


Methods of Keeping us Sane

by HulkWidowShipper



Series: Green Rage Monsters and Russian Spies [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bisexual Natasha Romanov, Bruce Banner & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Angst, Bruce Banner Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Excessive Drinking, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, From Sex to Love, Fuckbuddies, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iron Man 3 Compliant, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Nightmares, POV Bruce Banner, POV Natasha Romanov, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Sassy Tony Stark, Science Bros, Smut, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, The Avengers (2012) Compliant, angst i think, routines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-28 13:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HulkWidowShipper/pseuds/HulkWidowShipper
Summary: So I was never initially on board with the Bruce/Natasha relationship, but then I realised it wasn't the relationship I was against but more the depiction of it in AoU and more specifically how Natasha was portrayed in it and how the whole thing just sort of popped up out of the blue. So this is my attempt to rectify that, which hopefully I've done.Also, really tried to present the different sides of Bruce Banner- his shy nerdiness as well as the confident, sarcastic side.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wasn't going to post this fic (just wrote it for my own amusement) but I figured if at least one other person enjoys it then that's great. 
> 
> I've probably forgotten some tags so will add some in the notes if need be. 
> 
> The whole fic has been written and edited so debating whether I'll upload it all in one go or do it bit by bit- if you have a preference then let me know.
> 
> Also, I own nothing. Wish I did, but sadly I don't.
> 
> Feel like I should probably add- This is my first stab at non-academic writing so really sorry if it's not written very well.

Natasha Romanoff was used to nightmares by now. You didn’t see all the things that she had seen in her life without having a few. She often dreamt of the night she watched her parents die, or of the first time, she killed one of the other girls in the Red Room. The dreams make her stir, but they never cause her to scream out in terror. That was what made these dreams so different. Natasha hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since she had moved into the tower, dreaming of the Hulk chasing after her with such hatred and anger in his eyes. Each night the dream is the same:

_The six of them are stood arguing with each other. Thor arguing with Fury over S.H.I.E.L.D.’s plans to use the Tesseract to develop weapons. Steve and Tony having their dick swinging contest over who would win in a fight. And Bruce getting more riled up over Natasha bringing him out of his peaceful life in Kolkata. That’s when they notice Bruce has picked up the tesseract and she spots the first true signs of the anger that lies under the surface of the nervous scientist. Not like the anger that he put on display for her when she was sent to collect him, but genuine rage._

_That’s when the dream takes a turn for the worse and the explosion takes out one of the engines. She and Bruce are sent falling 15ft into one of the basement rooms. Her foot is trapped, and she can see Bruce fighting a transformation. She pleads with him to keep fighting, swears on her life that she will get him out of there and he can walk away from this. He spits out a growl as he yells “YOUR LIFE!” and the enraged beast that is the Hulk takes over. She manages to pull her foot out in time to start making a run for it but this time she doesn’t run fast enough. This time Thor doesn’t fly in to save her life. This time, when he swats her into the wall and stops in front of her to smash her into the ground he doesn’t hesitate…_

That’s when she wakes up shaking in a hot sweat, screaming in terror. It happens like that every night and tonight was no different. She thinks to herself that she should’ve taken up Clint on his offer for her to stay at the farm for a while. It was the same offer he made after every devasting mission, to spend a few days on the farm with him and his family, enjoy the innocence and domesticity of it all. Only this time he intended it as a more long-term offer. Loki’s mind control trick had taken its toll on him and he was talking of retirement. He’d tried to convince her to go with him, or at least not to stay at the tower with the very man who had tried to kill her.

_“Come with me, Nat.”_

_“You know I can’t. I have orders.”_

_“Fuck the orders!”_ He’d always been disobedient bastard, for as long as she'd known him. _“You can’t stay in the tower with a man that you’re terrified of!”_

“ _I’m not scared of Banner!_ ” Banner was not the thing to be feared. _“I’m scared of the thing that he becomes.”_ She wouldn’t admit the fear to anyone other than Clint, and that’s only through years of knowing the man that she’s finally been able to trust him with her insecurities. _“But I’ve been given my orders and I’m staying at the Tower. Stark’s fixed up a room for me already so it’s a done deal._ ”

With a heavy sigh, Clint accepted that there was no steering Natasha away from the orders given to her, even if it was in her best interest.

 _“Fine, but the offer is always there. Laura loves you and the kids would be happy to have their Aunt Nat around more often._ ”

He’d taken off that night and Natasha took up residence in the tower. Which coincidentally was when the nightmares started.

Tired of lying in bed each night, fearing that sleep will wash over her again and the dream will reoccur, she decides to head to the bar to soothe her shaken state the only way she really knows how. She doesn’t bother changing out of her pyjamas. Its 3:30am and she figures no one else will be up in the tower so she heads out in her tank top and shorts, slipping on the plush Iron Man slippers that Tony gave everyone when they moved into the tower. It came with a matching robe too, but she decides to leave it off, allowing the cool air to dry off the last of the beads of sweat.

She takes the elevator two floors down to the large common area. The whole floor is kitted out with rooms designed for “team bonding” as Tony puts it. There’s a movie room with an Imax cinema screen and surround sound, and enough luxury recliner chairs to fit a church choir. Down the hall there’s a games room filled with consoles and arcade games, a few non-electronic games for Steve when he visits and a darts board requested by Barton. And just past the games room is Bruce’s lab. There are five whole floors dedicated to R&D but Tony insisted that Bruce has his own space to work. The main space has a lounge area with three long leather sofas around a TV screen smaller than the one in the movie room but not small enough to be considered modest, a kitchen area with a large enough island table for the whole team to sit cosily around for team dinners and a fully stocked bar.

When Tony found out that she was thinking of moving into the tower he had enticed her with the bar, promising to make sure that it would always be stocked with a minimum of 3 bottles of Vodka (her favourite). She didn’t bother telling him that she had been sent to live at the tower by Fury, wanting her to keep tabs on a building filled with enhanced individuals. She figured it was best to leave that part out, save herself the challenge of a battle with Tony over the nature of her job, again.

She grabs a bottle of Vodka from the freezer and a shot glass, filling it to the brim and drawing it to her lips as she whispers “ _Давайте начнем!_ ”.

She drinks the shot down in one go, enjoying the feel of the ice-cold liquor down her throat. She pours another and downs it instantly, repeating the process four times before slowing down. She sips the fifth shot slowly, savouring the taste of the imported vodka.

As she finishes the fifth shot and is about to pour another she hears the elevator doors open and the shuffling of feet. She looks up and her body instantly tenses, though the movement was so minute that only a few people who really know her would have been able to spot it. She knows who it is, has been able to tell each resident in the tower by their footsteps within hours of moving in. He’s the last person she would want to see right now, and she contemplates making an exit before he notices her but reconsiders, deciding it’s best to stand her ground. Especially given she’s going to need a few more shots of vodka after this.

Bruce walks into full view in a pair of flannel trousers and a white t-shirt. He’s also wearing his iron man slippers only he’s paired it with the matching robe. The sight threatens a small smile, but the moment doesn’t last long. She pours another shot and clears her throat so as not to catch him off guard, the last thing she needs is for him to Hulk out just because she made him jump. He looks up, squinting to try and make out the figure in the dark.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn’t expect anyone else to be up”. He catches sight of the vodka bottle and nods slightly towards it and says in a sympathetic tone “can’t sleep?”.

“Nightmares”. She aims for expressionless neutrality but can hear the slight vulnerability in her voice.

Clearly, he can too as his next question is “wanna talk about it?”.

She lifts the glass to her lips before she responds, “I have my own way of dealing with things, Doc”.

“Fair enough.” He says as he shuffles towards the sink and grabs a glass from the dishrack, filling it to the brim with water from the tap. “Well, I just came down here for this, so I guess I’ll leave you to it then.” He raises the glass towards her as a gesture of a farewell and she mimics the gesture with her own glass.

She tosses back a few more shots before returning to her room at 5am with a slight buzz hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep in before the dream inevitably starts up again.

~*~

Natasha spends the next few nights following the same routine. Fall asleep. Have a nightmare about the Hulk smashing her into a pile of blood, guts and bones. Wake up in a hot sweat. Down half a bottle of vodka. Head back to bed. Tony never questions how she manages to get through so much vodka, just puts it down to her being Russian and has JARVIS reorder another bottle each time she finishes one. She contemplates having him fit a mini freezer in her room to save her running the risk of crossing paths with Banner during her nightly rituals. She manages to avoid him on most days. She’s usually busy with official S.H.I.E.L.D business most days, and even when she’s not he spends most of his time working with Tony in the lab, only coming out occasionally to cook. Most nights he stumbles in on her one-woman drinking party and doesn’t disturb her. Only saying “hi” on his way in and “night” on his way out.

That is until tonight. Pepper had arranged an SI “Heroes of New York” fundraiser for all the emergency service teams that helped with the clean up after the battle of New York. All Avengers were asked to attend and Natasha’s need to remain relatively anonymous for her line of work was not accepted as a valid excuse not to attend. Barton was out on a mission, as was Steve and Thor was away on another planet. That apparently meant that as one of the few members of the Avengers that would be physically present in the tower at the time of the fundraiser, she would have to go which meant that Banner was probably being forced to attend too. She hoped Tony had spared no expense on the alcohol budget because she was going to need a lot to get through this night.

The fundraiser was in full swing by the time she made her appearance. She caught sight of Tony from across the room who simply gives her a disapproving look and taps his watch at her. She just rolls her eyes in response and heads straight to the bar and orders a double vodka neat. She figured if he decided to quiz her on her reasons for being late she could just put it down to taking her time getting ready. It was a believable lie too. She had picked out an elegant black dress with deep plunge paired with black stilettos, deep red lipstick and a ruby necklace with matching earrings. Easy enough to put together but elegant enough to look like the look had taken a while. She dares to admit that the real reason for her arriving late was to reduce the amount of time spent having to avoid a certain scientist with the propensity to turn into a giant green rage monster- as Tony so eloquently put it. The same scientist who was slowly making his way over to her now. She considers taking off but realises there’s no way to do it without looking obvious and before she realises he’s right beside her at the bar.

“Hey. Erm hi, Natasha” he looks her up and down and stutters out “you look, uh you look amazing”.

She gives him one of her practised smiles and says, “thanks Doc, you clean up pretty good yourself”.

She takes in his appearance; he’s dressed in a fitted navy suit with a white open-collar shirt and a pair of brown loafers. All of which are brand new and clearly not something he picked out on his own. His hair is still the messy mop of dark brown curls that it normally is, but somehow with the new suit, it manages to fit into this rugged hottie look that he has going on.

“Uh, thanks. Tony uh, Tony picked it out for me.” He huffs out a nervous laugh and adds with an air of insecurity “if I had it my way I’d probably turn up in a baggy shirt and some corduroys.” She smiles at that. “Can I get you another drink?” he asks as he nods towards the now almost empty glass in front of her.

“Well, it’s an open bar so all you’ll be doing is ordering on my behalf. But by all means.”

He waves down a bartender. “Hi, can I get a beer and a double vodka neat.” He looks at her cautiously as if to double check if that’s what she wants even though they both know that she would rarely drink anything else. “So, I take it I’m not the only one that was dreading having to come to this thing,” he says as he turns to lean on the bar, half facing her half facing the rest of the room.

Her face displays no such emotion but somehow he’s able to read past the false smile that she’s plastered on her face. That irks her a little, though she doesn’t show it. Instead just offers the same excuse she had tried to give Tony. “It’s not somewhere I’d willingly choose to spend my free time. Hanging around in a room full of people and introducing myself to strangers isn’t exactly helpful when your work requires a certain level of anonymity”.

“Ha, yeah. I see why that might be a bit of a hindrance to your job.”

“And you, Doc? What’s your excuse?” she eyes him with a quirked eyebrow.

“Well, when your alter ego is a mean green smashing machine being in a room full of civilians has a tendency to put you on edge.”

“And those around you.”

Her tone is curt, words said with a hint of venom in them that she instantly regrets. It’s not his fault that she’s afraid of the Other Guy. Hell, it’s not truly his fault that he even houses the Other Guy. She raises her glass towards him, an apology in the silent toast she offers, and downs the rest of her drink, signalling for the waiter to bring her another. He winces, though she can’t be sure if it’s at her words or her drinking habits. She assumes both.

“I’m sorry, by the way…” his voice is small, like a young boy being scolded by his mother. He fiddles with the label of his beer bottle, before raising his big brown eyes to meet her own. “For what happened on the Helicarrier.”

“You’ve already apologised for that.” His eyes draw away from her once more. “Besides, it made sense. I dragged both of you into that mess. It’s only reasonable that your anger was directed towards me.”

A silence ensues as he watches her start her new drink, guessing that it won’t be long before she orders another.

“Is that what your nightmares are about? The Other Guy?” he asks looking down at his beer.

She takes a long gulp before she responds, deciding whether to lie or just own up to it. She sides with telling the truth. If their history is anything to go by, lying to him is no use.

“Most nights.” That’s an understatement. It’s every night. But he doesn’t need to know that. “The Helicarrier incident. Only this time there’s no Thor to save me. And I’m not fast enough to get away. And the notion that you don’t see yourself die in your dreams because you wake up is a myth.”

He looks up in from his beer and sees the vulnerability in her eyes. He knows he’s only seeing it because she’s allowing him to but he’ll take whatever he can get. She’s not sure why she’s opening up to him about her nightmares, she doesn’t open up to anyone but Clint. And even that is like pulling teeth. But something about the shabby scientist compels her to be truthful with him.

“I don’t know if it helps. Well, in fact, I know it won’t because I don’t experience it from the same side as you. But I have that same nightmare too. Every night. And it fucking terrifies me.”

She sees the fear on his face and realises that’s something they have in common. The fear that the Other Guy could have killed her, could still kill her if he gets the chance. She feels a slight relief in knowing that she’s not the only one that feels that fear. That it’s not irrational.

The moment of confessions is interrupted by a dapper looking Tony Stark who is sauntering over to them, a wide grin on his face.

“Bruce! Buddy! You made it.” A swooping arm wraps tightly around Bruce’s shoulder and Natasha watches as the usually twitchy scientist accepts the invasion of his personal space. “I knew that suit would look good on you. You’re looking pretty hot tonight.”

“Tony,” Bruce whines as he squirms under Tony’s arm, though he shows no real attempt to escape.

“Doesn’t he Red? You trying to chat up my Science Bro?” That garners a glare from her which Tony chooses to ignore. “You look pretty hot too. Hell, you two would make a very hot couple right now!”

“Tony!” Bruce’s face has turned a full beet red. “Can you not?”

“Well Red, if you don’t want him then there are plenty of women that I’m dying to present him to.”

“I’m not a show pony, Tony.”

“Of course not buddy. You’re more like my prized pig. A regular Babe.”

“Babe wasn’t a prized pig,” Natasha interjects. Both men turn a confused look towards her and she simply responds with a shrug. “I had to watch it on a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission.”

It sounds absurd and they clearly don’t buy it but it’s 100% truth. It’s not her job to make them believe it. Well, not tonight anyway.

Tony grips Bruce by his elbow and pulls him along. Bruce turns to offer Natasha a small smile before he is whisked away by Tony. Natasha spends the rest of the night talking with members of the various emergency services about their efforts to clean up the city since the invasion and offers the support of the Avengers where needed. She doesn’t see Bruce for the rest of the evening and that night although her nightmare still occurs, she finds she doesn’t have to drink as much vodka to encourage herself to go back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea of Natasha not necessarily being afraid of Bruce but of the Hulk and thus struggling to navigate interactions with him when she fears the thing that lives inside of him.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussions of sex and some strong language.

“You can’t come running to the tower every time one of the kids get sick.”

  
Clint hadn’t said he was coming, just broke into Natasha’s room as she was in the shower to announce his arrival. Of course, she knew it was him. Even if her ears were filled with water she could hear the slight sounds of someone fiddling with the vent. He had tried to jump out at her and she landed a right hook to his stomach just to teach him a lesson. 

  
“Actually, I can.” He says smugly as he sits cross-legged at the end of her bed. “There’s a chicken pox outbreak in town and I’ve never had it. Which means even if Coop and Li don’t get it I still need to be as far away from that town as possible.

  
Natasha rolls her eyes at that. “So you’ve come to terrorise me here instead?”

  
“Yep, pretty much. Now, put some clothes on, I’m hungry!”

  
Clint jumps off the bed and heads over to the dresser. He pulls out a pair of jeans and a top for her to wear and chucks them in her direction as he turns around to let her change.

Once she’s dressed, they make their way down to the kitchen in the common area to hunt down some dinner. Clint opens the fridge to scout out what ingredients they have as Natasha retrieves some beers from the fridge behind the bar.

  
“Do you guys ever go grocery shopping?” Clint calls from the fridge.

  
“I’m pretty sure Stark does that.” The elevator dings in the distance. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear.”

  
“Ah, Robin Hood has arrived to visit his Maid Marian!” Tony yells as he walks into the common area, Bruce following hot on his heels. “Jarvis told me we had company.”

  
Natasha doesn’t tense when she sees Bruce. Simply nods and gives a small smile in his direction, which he returns.

  
“Did Jarvis also tell you that you’re out of food?” Clint retorts.

  
Tony shrugs his shoulders “Bruce here is pretty much the only one that cooks. If you’re looking for someone to blame, blame him.”

  
Bruce’s head whips up, eyes wide in faux outrage. “I told you two hours ago the fridge was empty.”

  
Tony shrugs again. “J, order us a couple pizzas will ya.”

  
“Certainly sir, the pizzas should arrive in 30 minutes.”

  
“Well, we might as well do something to amuse ourselves.” Clint jumps over the back of one of the large sofas in front of the TV and picks up a controller for the games console. “You play Banner?”

  
“Uh, actually no one will be playing.” Tony jumps in before Bruce can respond. “I’m kinda in the middle of working on that.”

  
“And by in the middle, he means he started on that 2 weeks ago and hasn’t picked it up since,” Natasha says as she brings over two more beers for the two scientists and takes the seat next to Clint.

  
“Right, so what else do you guys do around here?”

  
“We’ve got board games.” Bruce offers.

  
Clint gives him a blank look but then his face gleams as he gets an idea.

  
Natasha can tell where his mind is going and stops him in his tracks. “We’re not playing darts with the world’s best marksman.”

  
“You say that as if you’ve ever missed a shot!”

  
“It wouldn’t be fair on these two.” Natasha retorts.

  
“Fine Banner, what board games have you got?”

  
Bruce heads over to a small cabinet in the corner of the room and calls back “we’ve got Monopoly, Cluedo, Scrabble and Taboo.”

  
“No point playing Cluedo with Nat. She guesses it after the first round.”

  
“Well, Tony cheats at Monopoly.”

  
Tony sends a betrayed look to his Science Bro. “I do not!”

  
“So does Barton,” Natasha adds.

  
Clint shrugs his shoulders. “I’m not playing scrabble against 2 geniuses and someone who can speak 15 languages!” Which is a fair enough argument given Clint’s vocabulary, whilst pretty extensive, would in no way compare to that of a guy with 7 PhDs or someone who was admitted into MIT at the age of 15. And whilst Natasha may not have any of those qualifications under her belt, her IQ test scores were something that most members of MENSA would only dream of achieving.

  
“Bullshit!” Tony exclaims. “No way Red speaks 15 languages!”

  
Natasha gives him a pointed look before reeling off her list. “Russian, English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Dutch, Ukrainian, Cech, Hungarian, Mandarin, Korean, Arabic, Bengali and recently Hindi.”

  
Tony eyes her wearily. “How do I know you’re not just naming languages?”

  
“Would you be able to verify if I did start to speak any of them?”

  
Tony’s face eases up as he concedes the point. “Touché Romanoff” 

  
“Taboo it is!” Bruce exclaims as he brings the board over to the coffee table in the middle of the sofas. “How are we deciding teams?”

  
“Draw straws?” Clint suggests as he hops over the back of the couch and grabs two straws from the bar and hands them over to Natasha who pulls out one of her knives to cut them.

  
“Where do you even keep those?” Tony asks once he picks his jaw up off the floor.

  
“As a man in a committed relationship, that is not a game I will let you play,” Natasha says in a sultry voice.

  
Tony nudges Bruce and whispers, though he may as well be yelling. “Quick Bruce, ask her where she keeps them. She might let you play.”

  
Natasha ignores the joke as well as the blush creeping up Bruce’s neck. “Right boys, pick a straw.”

  
They all comply and Tony and Clint take out the longer straws, leaving Natasha and Bruce with the shorter straws.

  
“Right Arrow, it’s you and me versus green bean and Itsy Bitsy.”

  
“Alright fine. But I’m going first.”

  
Clint takes a handful of cards and Bruce takes control of the sand timer, angling it to start the countdown. At Clint’s nod, he flips the timer and Clint begins to describe the words in front of him.

  
“Country in Europe!”

  
“England!”

  
“They’re known for cheese.”

  
“France!”

  
“They do good chocolate!”

  
“Belgium!”

  
“No Stark! They’re known for cheese and they do good chocolate!”

  
“I dunno. Germany?”

  
“For fuck sake Stark it’s Switzerland!”

  
“You can’t say the word!” Natasha says purposefully trying to annoy an already pretty agitated Clint.

  
Clint slams down the card and begins to describe a new word.

  
“Okay, he has a massive tower named after him!”

  
“Ooo Me!”

  
“No! He’s a billionaire!”

  
“Uh me.”

  
“NO! He’s announced he wants to run for President in 2016.”

  
“Did I? Bruce, did I do that.?”

  
“TIME!” Bruce yells, not responding to Tony’s question.

  
“Christ Stark, it was Donald Trump.”

  
“Huh, I really thought it was me.” He’s being deliberately obtuse. “Maybe I should run for pres. It would be great PR. But I’ve been to the White House and it’s so… small.”

  
“Anyway! Do you want to go first or shall I?” Bruce asks Natasha.

  
“You go, I’ll guess.”

  
“Okay.” Bruce nods to Clint who starts the timer.

  
The pair work as a well-oiled machine, Bruce only needing to say a few words before Natasha is able to guess correctly. After a few rounds of what is a pathetic display by Tony and Clint, and a rather impressive one by Natasha and Bruce, it’s clear that this is an uneven match.

  
Tony’s face crumples like that of a toddler about to start a tantrum as he flips the board sending tokens and cards all over the place, DUM-E whirring over to clean up the mess he leaves in his wake. “I’ve had enough of this!” He walks over to the bar, grumbling about cheating and Barton being able to shoot a target from 400 metres away but not guess that he’s hinting towards the word ‘aim’. He returns with a decanter filled with the good bourbon and four shot glasses. “We’re playing a game that I’m actually good at.”

  
“Tony, I don’t think drinking excessively counts as a game.”

  
“Ah, but it does when it’s a drinking game, Brucey.” Tony sets a glass in front of each of them and proceeds to fill each to the brim before setting the bottle down. “Seen as we’re supposed to be a team and all, we should probably get to know each other a little better.”

  
“And you think a drinking game is the best way to do that?” Natasha questions the billionaire’s logic with a raised eyebrow.

  
“Why yes Romanoff, specifically Never have I ever.”

  
Natasha rolls her eyes as Clint’s face beams with excitement. “Oh, I am definitely up for that!”

  
“Uh, yeah, no. I’m not.” Bruce stands to leave.

  
“Oh come on Brucey, what better way to get to know each other than delving into everyone’s sordid past.”

  
“Come on Bruce, it’ll be fun,” Clint says in his attempt to persuade the scientist.

  
“Got something to hide, Doc?” Natasha asks in a throaty voice that she puts on purely for teasing purposes. It has little to do with her interest in playing the game and a lot to do with her desire to learn more about the nerdy scientist. Of all the other Avengers, he's the one that still remains a mystery to her.

  
After a few seconds of deliberation, Bruce sits down again. “Fine, how do we play.”

  
“Yes!” Tony punches his fist in the air before explaining the game. “Right, it’s pretty easy. Each person starts with the statement Never have I ever and then you say something you may or may not have done before. If you’ve done it, you drink. If you haven’t, you don’t. So for example, if I say never have I ever killed someone with just my thighs, Romanoff drinks because that’s basically her MO.” Tony says smugly, aiming to get a reaction out of Natasha. To his surprise, she doesn’t respond and simply downs the shot before refilling her glass. The bourbon isn’t to her taste but she doesn’t react to it. “So if you’ve done it you drink.”

  
“Okay, I’ll go first. Never have I ever…” Clint thinks before a moment. “Hacked into an official government website.” He’s not surprised when Natasha and Tony drink but is taken aback when Bruce does the same. He downs the shot in front of him before turning to Bruce. “Didn’t take you for a rebel Banner, care to explain?”

  
Bruce simply shrugs his shoulders. “I was able to hack the CIA site by the age of 11. Though hacking was never really my thing.”

  
Natasha raises an eyebrow, slightly impressed by the doctor’s admission whilst Tony slaps him on the back in support of the rebellious behaviour.

  
“Never have I ever…” It’s her turn now and she deliberates how much of her private life she wants to give away. Maybe she could just go for something that will embarrass Barton, you know, in the name of ‘team bonding’ “Assassinated the wrong mark because I was staring at someone’s ass.”

  
“That’s a low blow Romanoff!” Clint says half annoyed and half joking as he downs his shot. “Also, that mission is still classified.”

  
“Okay you’re gonna have to explain that one, Barton,” Bruce says as he laughs.

  
Clint sends Natasha one last glare before he sighs and begins his explanation. “Okay, first of all, it wasn’t the wrong mark, I was just supposed to take him out second.” He sends an evil smirk to Natasha. “And secondly, my partner decided that they would be a good time to get changed and was sticking her bare ass in my face.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “What was I supposed to do?”

  
Bruce turns red with Clint’s admission whilst Tony jumps to his feet pointing at the two spies accusatorily. “I knew you two were tangling limbs!”

  
“Uh Tony, I don’t think accusations are in the rules of the game.” Bruce chimes in as the two assassins stare back at Tony with expressionless faces, neither of them willing to tell the truth of their relationship. Or lack of. Better to have people think the two of them are together than let out the secret of Clint’s family. “Besides, it’s my turn… uh never have I…”

  
“Nuh-uh! They do not get away with it that easily!” Tony interrupts. “Never have I ever slept with another Avenger!”

  
“Yeah. Okay. Fine. We’ll go with that.”

  
Both Clint and Natasha drink. It’s not in the spirit of the game to lie but the rumours started not long after she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. and they both saw no need to stop them. In fact, they thought it best to embrace them. Play along with this façade that the two of them were more than partners and a lot more than friends. The truth of the matter is that Clint is more like a brother to her, or as much as she is capable of imagining what a brother would be like. He’s someone she knows she can truly rely on, perhaps the only one. And to ruin that by entering a physical relationship would be beyond reckless. Not to mention Laura is her closest friend second to Clint and she would kill anyone who tried to break up that marriage.

  
Tony waggles his eyebrows with glee believing that he’s finally gotten the two to admit the truth. “Now things are getting interesting. Never have I ever wanted to sleep with another Avenger- other than the one you’ve already slept with in your cases.”

  
“Do I just not get a go in this game?” Bruce mumbles as he drinks his shot along with everyone else but Clint.

  
“Thanks team. Nice to know what I bring to the table.” Natasha states dryly. She doesn’t really mean it of course. She knows the effect her physique has on most men and women, it’s never something she’s been bothered by.

  
Bruce winces as he realises they’ve all sexualised the one female member of the team. “I can’t speak for Tony, but there are 4 other equally attractive members of the team.” He gives her a nervous grin as Natasha’s eyes lock onto him. “I’ve always idealised Captain America.”

  
Natasha fixes him with a challenging smirk and a raised eyebrow, mildly impressed by the boldness of his joke. “Alright then Banner, never have I ever actually slept with someone of the same sex.” Not to her surprise, Natasha is the only one to drink to that, not once taking her gaze off Bruce. “So tell me again about your crush on Steve.”

  
Bruce clears his throat. “I never said anything about acting on it.”

Natasha gives him another challenging gaze and Bruce nervously tugs at the hairs on the back of his neck. 

  
“Okay, first of all, thank you for that new fantasy! Barton, you are one lucky bastard! Second of all, I want details.”

  
Natasha thinks it’s a pretty sad state of affairs that Tony’s misogynistic, immature remarks no longer bother her.

“I would think I don’t need to explain sexuality to you of all people, Stark.”

  
“Maybe we should play a different game,” Bruce suggests as he attempts to diffuse the slowly building tension.

  
“What? No. I still want to know the sordid details of everyone’s sex lives.”

  
Tony, being the petulant child that he is, got his wish and they continued playing the ridiculous game with the admissions becoming more and more sordid. Natasha didn’t mind too much; sex was never something she was shy about and everyone seems pretty familiar with how she got the nickname ‘Black Widow’. And if Natasha enjoyed seeing the way Bruce’s face turned beet red with every admission she made, well then that was her business.

  
They wound up drinking till the early hours of the morning, the night ending with Bruce having to carry Tony up to his room and Natasha having to do the same for Clint. Natasha was mildly impressed with Bruce’s drinking abilities, although it dawns on her that it’s likely to do with his increased metabolism thanks to the Hulk. Still, it’s good to know there’s someone in the tower that will make for a decent drinking partner. Tony seems to be able to handle his drink well enough, but there’s something about enabling a borderline functioning alcoholic that just doesn’t sit well with her and her newfound moral compass. And Barton has been a ‘3 drinks and he’s out’ kind of guy since she first met him, though his recovery time is quite impressive.

  
~*~

  
The nightmares about the giant behemoth they call Hulk don’t cease, though Natasha finds they’re not as frightening to her as they used to be. Whether that’s a result of finding out that she’s not the only one that fears the Hulk or because of the frequency of the nightmares that’s she’s learning how to cope better, she’s not sure. She wonders if they’ll soon join the rotation cycle with the rest of her nightmares. Become something that she dreams about every few nights as opposed to every night. She ponders this thought over her second vodka shot.

  
She’s about to pour a third when Bruce shuffles in to get a glass of water. She doesn’t tense up as much when he’s around anymore. In fact, she’s started to relax slightly when she sees him. Although that might just be because of the novelty of seeing him in his Iron Man slippers and robe that makes her feel at ease.

  
“You know Doc, I thought you were wearing the Iron Man merch ironically at first. But now I’m wondering if you’re just a huge fan.” She says with a quirked eyebrow.

  
“When you’re used to life on the run you learn never to turn away free clothes. Plus, they’re really comfy. I feel like I’m wrapped in a cloud.” She lets out a small laugh at that. “What’s your excuse?” he asks, nodding towards her own Iron Man slippers and matching her quirked eyebrow.

  
She simply shrugs in response and says, “it’s a fashion statement.” He laughs at her response and heads over towards the sink. “Fancy something a little stronger than that, Doc?”

  
“Oh no, no, no. Tony warned me about the risk of drinking your vodka. Frankly, I quite like my limbs being attached to my torso.”

  
“You’re not at risk if I’m offering,” She says through a laugh as she retrieves another shot glass and fills it as she refills her own. “If your nightmares are half as bad as mine then you’ll probably need one or two.”

  
“Make that three or four.” He huffs out a heavy breath as he reaches for the glass.

  
Natasha taps her glass to his, looking him dead in the eyes as she says, “ _для встречи_.”

  
He looks at her and responds with a simple, “cheers” as he knocks back the shot.

  
She refills the glasses, raises hers to his again and this time says, “ _для нашей дружбы_ ” as she drinks it down in one. He looks at her confused as he drinks his. She merely shrugs, saying rather nonchalantly “it’s seven years of bad sex if you don’t toast with a drink.”

  
He downs his drink at that and jokes rather self-deprecatingly “seven years of bad sex would be better than no sex.”

  
“Not a problem I have, Doc.” It’s a lie, it’s been a while for her too. There was that lady from legal when she worked for Stark and a few junior S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, but the girl from legal was a no go now that she was no longer Natalie Rushman and most of the junior agents tended to be too scared of her to be a viable option. There is the option of going to a club and finding a stranger to hook up with for the night, but the thought of sweaty bodies and the repetitive drone of club beats is enough to sway her from that idea. Still though she guesses her draught hasn’t been as long as Banner’s. “Take it Tony’s attempt to set you up at the fundraiser didn’t go well?” Bruce shakes his head in embarrassment. “I assumed you couldn’t… you know, heart rate and all.”

  
“Heart rate was never really a factor. I used to think it was. But turns out its just anger that’s a trigger.”

  
“And you’re always angry” Bruce lets out a nervous laugh at that. “So, what’s the problem, Doc? You’re a smart, attractive guy. You telling me chicks don’t fall for that nerdy scientist look?”

  
He exhales heavily, ignoring the backhanded compliment she’d just given him. “The Other Guy is probably the world’s biggest cockblocker. Women don’t seem to like it when they find out you sometimes expand into a green giant. It’s like having an STD- a massive turn off.”

  
It’s a risky joke to make given his green other half is the very reason why she’s sat here drinking but he’s relieved when he looks up to see her smiling. A small smile that he’s never seen before and finds himself wondering if it’s a genuine smile, not one that she’s practised but an involuntary one that she only allows a select few to see.

  
“I take it telling them you can put on a condom doesn’t help to put their mind at ease.”

  
“Surprisingly not at all. If anything, it makes them run for the hills even quicker.” He laughs as he picks up the shot glass that he didn’t even notice her refill. He raises it to hers and says, “to seven years of bad sex” as he knocks it back.

  
She raises hers toward him then finishes the drink in one swift motion and hops down from the bar stool she was perched on. “Well Doc, I should probably try and get in a few more hours.” She leaves him to put away the glasses and vodka. Figures it’s the least he can do given she doesn’t usually share her Vodka with anyone, not even Clint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was told by my Russian Politics lecturer that Russians toast before every drink, hence why Natasha always says a toast. Also, someone from an Eastern European country (maybe Russia, can't quite remember) told me that if you don't toast before a drink then it's 7 years of bad sex. 
> 
> Oh, and I got the idea of the Avengers playing a board game from a few other fics that I read but can't remember which ones so can't credit them for the idea. If it's from a fic you wrote then thank you for the inspiration.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More strong language, and talk of sex. Also some graphic descriptions of dead bodies.

Bruce has taken to joining her a couple of nights in the week for a drink after they both wake from their nightmares. Tony’s noticed the vodka has started to run low much quicker than usual but hasn’t said anything. Bruce talks about the projects he’s working on in the lab and Natasha talks about the more entertaining missions she’s been on with Barton, well, the ones that aren’t still classified. They never seem to cross paths during the day. Their only time spent together is in the early hours of the morning when they’re both trying to chase away the terror of their nightmares with expensive vodka courtesy of Tony Stark. Natasha wonders how Tony has found the time to keep the fridges stocked with vodka when he’s dealing with the Mandarin but figures it’s just another one of his coping mechanisms.

  
She’s returning from a S.H.I.E.L.D. meeting about the Mandarin and any measures they will be taking. Much to Natasha’s frustration, they have decided that S.H.I.E.L.D. will not be getting involved, deeming it unworthy of the agency’s focus. She finds it ridiculous that a house being blown into the ocean by a terrorist organisation is unworthy of their attention. She’d stormed out of that meeting, furious at the decision made by Fury.

  
She was heading straight to the shower to clear her head and wait for the call from Fury expressing his disapproval at her insubordination when she hears a loud crash coming from a few floors down followed by an earth-shaking growl.

  
She grabs her gun from the holster and clicks off the safety as she heads for the elevators. JARVIS already has the doors open for her and she’s down on the 67th floor in no time, grateful for the fact that her apartment was only two levels up. She hides behind the entrance way to the elevator looking out to assess the situation. She sees a body lying by the island bar in the kitchen and approaches cautiously.

  
She’s only a few feet away when she notices a distinctive tattoo on the limp wrist of the body; the 10 rings. She doesn’t need to bother checking to see if there’s a pulse. Judging by the amount blood pooling around the body, if he’s not dead yet he will be in a few minutes. Her eyes follow a trail of bodies all in a similar state, leading her to spot the massive gaping hole in the supposedly indestructible glass window. Looks like Stark may have to revisit the drawing board on that. It’s clear that this was an attempted Mandarin attack and she figures they were either looking for Tony or hoping to take a hostage to coax him out of hiding.

  
A loud roar draws her out of her thoughts and her whole body stiffens. She heads towards the sound and draws her gun up, knowing that it would be useless against the source of the roar. She rounds the corner into Bruce’s lab and freezes when her eyes lock on to the big green ones that haunt her dreams. Her arms go limp as the Hulk stalks towards her. She slowly steps back not wanting to make any sudden moves that might spur him into a run, though truthfully at this moment she doesn’t think she’d be capable of any sudden movements.

  
She backs up into a wall and a small gasp passes her lips. She feels the same feeling of helplessness as she did that day on the Helicarrier. Only this time it’s so much worse. She knows there’s no one coming to save her this time. Steve is still in DC. Clint is at the farm with Laura, it’s Lila’s 6th birthday and he’s taking some personal time with his family. Tony is, of course, off somewhere hiding from the Mandarin. And no one has a fucking clue on Thor’s whereabouts. She’s on her own. And she knows she should run but can’t bring herself to move, resigned to the fact that running would be futile, and this will only end one way. Her head splattered on the wall behind her.

  
She watches as the Hulk stalks towards her and she slides down the wall, trying to make herself look as small and non-threatening as possible. The large green figure stops a few feet away from her. He cocks his head slightly and stares at the redhead. His expression is one of concern. Her heart stops as he slumps down and sits opposite her, still staring at her with the same look on his face. Her body feels heavy and though she knows she’s probably safe to make a run for it and get as far away as possible she can’t move. She just sits there, looking into the eyes of the one thing on this planet that can make the Black Widow curl up into a ball of helplessness.

  
Natasha doesn’t know how long she’s sat there for. Just watching the Hulk who is so close that the breath coming out of his nostrils causes the strands of hair that have fallen in front of her face to sway. She’s too scared to move. Too scared even breathe too loud in case it riles him up again.

  
Hours must have ticked by before she sees a flicker in his eyes. A sign that Bruce is coming back. Hulk lurches forward onto all fours as the muscles in his back start to ripple and shrink.   
She rubs her face with her hands and forces herself to stand on shaking legs. Bruce lies in front of her, curled in on himself looking frail, tired and very nude. He looks up to her, fear evident in his eyes. “Natasha?” It’s all he’s able to get out before his body succumbs to the exhaustion of the transformation.

  
Natasha kicks back into mission mode, covering his naked figure with the lab coat hanging by the door. She’s determined to get everything cleaned up before Bruce wakes again. She walks out into the lounge area and assesses the situation. “JARVIS” Her voice is shaky as she speaks and she coughs to clear her throat. “Put a call through to S.H.I.E.L.D. tell them to clean up is needed and we require a security detail on the Tower. Also, tell director Fury that the Mandarin may now be worthy of our focus.”

  
“Certainly, Agent Romanoff.”

  
“And any chance we can get all this blood cleaned up? Something tells me Stark won’t be too happy if he has to return to a blood-stained common area.”

  
“I already have DUM-E attending to that, Agent Romanoff.”

  
“Thank you, JARVIS,” she says as she returns to her room.

  
She sits under the shower, not bothering to change out of her clothes as she feels the cold water hit her skin. Only then does she lets her tears fall, telling herself that it doesn’t count if not even she can tell whether its tears or shower water falling down her cheeks.

  
~*~

  
Natasha knew what awaited her if she slept that night. That’s why she opted against sleep and instead headed straight for the vodka. She’s about ¾ through the first bottle and it’s not even midnight. Drinking doesn’t help to forget, but it does help to numb her against the fear.

  
She’s nearly finished a whole bottle by herself when Bruce walks in. He leans in the doorway, arms crossed against his chest taking in the image of her curled up on the couch with an almost empty bottle of vodka in front of her on the coffee table. She has a blanket wrapped lazily around her shoulders to compensate for the cold temperature of the room thanks to the large hole in the window.

  
“Can’t sleep?” he asks from the doorway.

  
“Didn’t want to try” her speech is not even slurred, and she’s just about to finish off the last of the bottle. He shouldn’t find that impressive, but he can’t seem to help it.

  
“Mind if I join you?” He knows she won’t but doesn’t want to presume.

  
“By all means Doc.”

  
Bruce heads to the freezer to grab a fresh bottle of Vodka and a clean shot glass for himself. He sits on the opposite end of the couch and pours a drink out for them both.   
Bruce raises his glass to Natasha’s and says, “to a night of dreamless sleep.”

  
“Here, here!” she says as she chugs back the drink. She looks at him from the corner of her eye “it must really take a toll on you.”

  
“What’s that?”

  
“The transformation. It looks like it takes a lot out of you to change back.” She turns to face him “how do you recover from that?”

  
He considers what part to address first. “Well, it hurts for starters. The feel of my bones and muscles breaking and shrinking back to regular size. My heart pounding out of my chest as it learns to readapt to function at a normal speed. It’s a new level of fatigue that I had never experienced before the accident.” He turns to look at her head on “but I have a routine, something to reduce the toll it takes on me.”

  
“Yeah, and what is that routine?”

  
“I sleep for at least five hours. Eat three days’ worth of calories. I usually still have some pent up… frustrations, so I take care of that.”

  
“You mean masturbate?”

  
The blush starts to creep its way up Bruce’s neck and he reaches a hand to tug at the hairs at the base of his neck. “Uh yeah... Then go back to sleep for another five hours.” He turns to pour them another drink. “That usually has me back to a regular level of functionality.”

  
She’s surprised by his level of openness about that and teasingly prods with a smirk “I assume it’s a lot easier to relieve those frustrations with someone else.”

  
“Haha, yeah it is actually. But as we established a few months ago the Hulk is kind of a big green cockblocking machine.” The red creeping up his cheeks is exactly what she was aiming for and she’s quite pleased with herself. “What about you? I’m sure you go on quite a few missions that take a massive toll on you. What do you do to” he waves his hand around, looking for the right word. “rebalance yourself?”

  
“Similar routine to you, Doc. Usually spar with Barton or Rogers, though if they’re not around I settle with kicking the shit out of a punchbag. Eat a pile of junk. Fuck. Although these days that’s becoming a solo mission.” She briefly looks at him to see if that admission has increased his blush, which of course it has, and his face is pinking up nicely. “Then drink the way my Russian ancestors would have.”

  
He raises his glass to hers again and says, “to routines, may they forever keep us sane.”

  
Natasha raises her glass to her lips but doesn’t drink it straight away. Instead, she turns to Bruce with that infamous flirtatious Black Widow smirk and says “You know Doc, seen as our routines are similar, we might as well join forces and destress together. It would probably make that tension relief go a lot… smoother.”

  
Bruce chokes on his vodka mid-sip and sputters most of it down himself. Cheeks now as red as a beetroot. “Uh… what?”

  
“I’m a decent cook, and I’m pretty sure you know how to make a decent curry. Would make our post-mission feast a lot tastier.”

  
“Oh good… I thought you meant… I mean, not that I wouldn’t want to… you know. But like…” He tugs at the hairs at the back of his neck. “I would… but…”

  
His nervous sputtering only serves to make her laugh more. “You know you’re only making it worse right?”

  
“I know. Although pointing that out doesn’t help.”

  
They get through the rest of the second bottle and spend the night talking about Stark and the Mandarin and any way that they can help. Neither of them heads to bed until way past sunrise.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cannon typical violence in this one.

The whole team are gathered back at the tower for the first time since New York. Well, the whole team minus Thor who is still out in who the fuck knows where. There’s an enemy base that they need to take out and Tony thought it would be great publicity for the Avengers if they’re seen fighting together once again. Since ditching his solo Iron Man act after he and Pepper defeated Killian and the Mandarin Tony has been hell-bent on the Avengers coming together on missions that really don’t require all their efforts. Yet, at the orders of Fury to keep an eye on things, Natasha finds herself sat on the Avengers Quinjet in her tac gear heading to a base in Texas with four other members of the Avengers.

  
The mission was simple enough. Stark and Steve would take out the heavy artillery. Clint would sit on the perimeter and take out any agents dumb enough to try and escape. She would also take out any agents she came across but her main objective was to disable the building's alarm and take out the backup generator. Banner was still refusing to let the Hulk out unless in the instance of another alien invasion- a decision she was rather pleased about- so he would remain in the jet to monitor from the screens and let them know of any hidden surprises.

  
Her part of the mission was easy enough. The security alarm system was a rather basic piece of tech. Easy enough to hack. And the generator just required a few shots in the right places to render it useless. She was heading towards the spot where Clint was perched to help with rounding up the last of the agents when Steve came over her comms.

  
“Widow, we need you to get the jet ready for a quick extraction. We’ve got reports of a potential bogey coming in from the East. We have about seven minutes before it hits so we want to be up in the air in six.”

  
“Roger that, Cap.” She turns just as an agent tries to jump her from behind landing a one-two straight to his jaw before he can grab hold of her. He stumbles back to regain his footing and try again but by then she already has her Widow Bites charged up and jams one into the crook of his neck. The agent spasms on the floor and the familiar smell of urine wafts up from his unconscious body. She steps over and says, “you know, if Banner’s gonna sit in the jet for these things then someone should probably teach him to fly that thing.”

  
“Something tells me everyone’s favourite jolly green giant won’t take so well to the stress of flying through turbulence.” Tony chimes in over the comms.

  
“I hate to admit it, but I agree with Stark. We need someone who can keep a level head and get us out of situations like this one.”

  
“You know Cap, if you keep agreeing with me you’re gonna make me think you like me.” Natasha can almost feel Tony’s smirk over the comms.

  
“On second thought, maybe I will teach Banner how to fly that thing.”

  
“Right Cap, and who’s gonna teach you to fly it?” Clint adds.

  
“Sorry Cap, I’d rather sit in the jet and teach the Hulk to fly than have to answer all your questions about electricity.” It says a lot about how far Natasha has come that she’s in a place where she can make casual jokes about the Hulk.

  
“Right Widow, and who’s gonna teach you to fly it?”

  
“Keep making jokes like that and I’ll leave your ass here for that bogey to deal with, Hawkeye” she jokes as she enters the Quinjet.

  
“You wouldn’t. You love me too much”

  
“You know I can hear you guys talking about me, right?” Bruce says over the comms and to Natasha as she takes her seat at the controls. She just turns and winks at him.   
She’s just about got the jet ready to go when Steve comes over the comms again. “Widow, there’s a tank aiming at the jet! Stark’s on his way to take it out but…”

  
She doesn’t hear what’s said next. Her earpiece is knocked out on impact. There’s a loud ringing in her ear and it takes a few seconds for her vision to come into focus. When it finally does she spots Bruce. He has blood trickling from a cut on his head and his skin is a slight shade of green. He’s gripping hard on to the medical bench trying to fight off a transformation.

  
The sight makes her stop in her tracks as the familiar wave of fear washes over her. This time though, she doesn’t let it last. She snaps herself out of it and scans the jet mapping out her options. The power is out which means the doors will be jammed shut and will need to be opened manually. She’s strong, but she knows she’s not strong enough to get it open herself. Stark is on his way over and barring any issues he should be here in a minute tops but judging by how much Bruce is fighting against the Hulk, she hasn’t got that long. And if the hulk does make an appearance the sheer size of him will have her crushed against the wall in no time.

  
She realises she’s going to have to try and talk him down from this, just like her failed attempt on the Helicarrier. She shoves that to the back of her mind. Dwelling on it will only make her job more difficult and she needs to focus.

  
“Bruce.” She attempts to get his attention by calling his name, but her voice is a little over a whisper. She clears her throat and tries again with more conviction “Bruce!” He hears her this time and looks her dead in the eye. She can see the green settling in, the sign that the Other Guy is close to taking over. Her voice becomes heavy as she says, “Bruce, I need you to fight this okay. I need you to keep the Big Guy at bay. At least until someone gets us out of here. If the Big Guy comes out to play our worst nightmare will come true. And I’d like to think that neither of us wants that.”

  
He reaches out his hand to her, she suspects the skin to skin contact might help to centre him and meets him halfway holding his wrist whilst rubbing her thumb over his pulse point. His skin is still green, but his body hasn’t started to expand so Natasha keeps doing what she’s doing and hopes that she can keep the Hulk at bay until Tony comes to get them out.

  
Suddenly, she hears the familiar high-pitched sound of Tony’s blasters. She doesn’t expect him to take a ‘bull in a china shop’ type approach to the rescue given that he knows what’s at risk here, but he chooses to blast the doors off the jet. The force of the blast causes the jet to shake. Natasha’s grip on Bruce’s wrist loosens as he falls back, and her fingers mark a light trail from his pulse point to the tip of his index finger.

  
They both regain their balance and the green of Bruce’s skin fades away, the last bits of green in his eyes slipping away as Stark pulls the door off its hinges. He looks between them, oblivious to what has just happened. “Hate to break up the party but we need to get going.”

  
~*~

  
Natasha enters the kitchen the next morning feeling as though she’s had the full weight of ten trucks crash into her head. She was definitely concussed from the attack on the Quinjet and probably shouldn’t have been drinking last night but given that she had successfully managed to talk Bruce down from a Hulk-out, she figured she was more than deserving of a few drinks. And Bruce’s excitement at knowing that there was someone out there with the potential ability to stop him from turning into the very thing that he fears meant that it wound up being more than just a few. But now her head is pounding and all she wants is some coffee and some pain meds.

  
Bruce is already in the kitchen cooking and Steve is sat at the island with a pile of pancakes as tall as she is. She grabs the coffee pot that’s still quite warm from when it was last brewed and pours herself a cup. She takes one sip and immediately spits it out.

  
“Jesus fucking Christ! Doesn’t Stark have any good coffee.” Tony walks into the kitchen just as she says this. “What the fuck is this shit, Stark?”

  
“Last time I checked, Red, the American word for it was ‘coffee’”

  
“That’s not what I would call this liquidised garbage!”

  
“Hmm, maybe I got the labels confused…” Stark retorts.

  
She sends him a glare, abandoning the offending liquid in the sink and taking a seat next to Steve. She reaches a fork over to his plate in an attempt to steal from the mountain of pancakes in front of him but Steve blocks his plate protectively with his arm. She looks at him with sad puppy dog eyes but he doesn’t budge. Bruce is just plating up his when he notices her trying to steal Steve’s.

  
“Here, have these. I’ll make some more.” He hands her his plate which has strawberry’s and whipped cream on it too.

  
“And that’s why you’re my favourite.” He also slides over a glass of water.

  
Steve looks at his watch and gets up in a hurry. “Shoot! I’m gonna be late!” he leaves the room in a rush, leaving half his pancakes uneaten.

  
Natasha pushes the plate over to Bruce. “Waste not, want not.”

  
“Well, I hate to follow the Caps’ example, but I’ve got to shoot too.” He leaves and waves back at them without turning around. “See ya!”   
The two are left in silence, scoffing down their pancakes.

  
Bruce turns to her, an idea popping into his head. “Hey, if you still need good coffee, I know this place off the corner of Main Street.”

  
“Sure, I’ll go grab my jacket. Meet you downstairs in 5?” He nods his agreement.

  
The coffee shop is only 10 minutes away and they decide to walk, Natasha filling the time talking about Steve’s love life and potential people she can set him up with.

  
“He needs to get out there, meet someone! He spends all his time cooped up in his tiny flat or visiting Peggy.” She says sounding more than a little exasperated at the matter.

  
“She was the love of his life. His first love.”

  
“Exactly! _Was_!”

  
“It’s not exactly something you just get over.” Bruce is almost astounded by her disregard for something so big. “You know how it is with first love, you never truly get over them.”

  
She contemplates that for a moment. “Actually I don’t.” She chews on the inside of her lip before admitting “love isn’t exactly an area I have much experience in. Or any for that matter.”

  
He’s surprised by her admission. They arrive at the coffee shop before he has time to respond. Bruce orders for the two of them hands over $10 and puts the change in a charity box, thanking the barista and leads the way to a small table in the corner of the café.

“So, you and Barton then…” His focus is on the task of stirring his coffee. He looks up at her when she doesn’t say anything, and she raises an eyebrow signalling for him to continue. If he wants answers he’s at least got to finish asking the question “… you said you’ve never been in love before…” he coughs to clear his throat. “… the way you two are with each other. I just assumed you guys were a thing.” He looks at her nervously, waiting for a response. 

  
She sips at her coffee, enjoying the taste of good coffee after the assault on her taste buds earlier. She contemplates how to answer, not wanting to give too much away. “We’ve never actually been a thing.” She thinks about her words, wondering how to explain this thing she has with Clint that seems to be unlike any other type of relationship. “There’s a connection between us that transcends romance. I trust him explicitly and trusts me the same.” She can see the confusion on his face so she answers what will inevitably be his next question. “The rumours started years ago and we figured we might as well embrace them. That satisfy your inquisition, Doc?”

  
“Quite.”

  
There’s a brief silence between them as they sip their coffees.

  
“So, I’m no expert on these things” she gives him a flirtatious smirk “but you paid for the coffees and we’re two good-looking single people. Is this a date?”

  
He nearly spits out his coffee at that. Blush creeping into his cheeks. Mission accomplished. “What, no! We’re just. It’s just two people getting coffee.” He’s sporting his own smirk now. “Besides, how do you know I’m single?”

  
“Mean green cockblocking machine?”

  
“Oh yeah, that guy” he rolls his eyes “anyway, going for coffee is something friends do.” He hesitates a little “At least, I’d like to think we’re friends.”

  
She can’t help the smile that finds its way onto her face. She doesn’t usually do the whole friendship thing. In fact, she could count the number of friends she has on three fingers. Two now that Coulson’s dead. Maybe it’s time to bring that number back up to three. She can’t deny that she enjoys Bruce’s company, his dry sense of humour and awe-inspiring intelligence make for interesting conversation. There are certainly worse people to befriend.

  
“I don’t share my vodka with just anyone, Doc.”

  
“It is good vodka. I don’t think I could stomach the cheap stuff again, thanks to you.”

  
Natasha laughs at that. She’s surprised how easily her laughter comes whenever she’s around him. Almost as easily as when she’s with Barton, only they haven’t spent over a decade working together.

  
Bruce looks at his watch and sighs. “I should probably get back to the tower. Tony and I are working on a project now that he’s back and I promised I’d be in the lab by 1.”

"I've got a debriefing with Fury anyways. Thanks for the coffee Doc."

"Anytime." He says with a genuine smile that seems like he really does mean it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic depictions of sex in this one. If you don't want to read that sort of thing then stop reading before the third chapter break and skip to the next chapter.

Bruce has taken to meeting Natasha after each mission for drinks, merging their post-mission routines to incorporate one another.

They’ve only had a few close calls with the Hulk, but each time Natasha has been there to keep Bruce focussed. And every time they meet in the common lounge and drink.

Todays near Hulk-out was a close call. Bruce had miscalculated the measurements of the chemicals he was mixing causing a reaction of the explosive kind. Not large enough to cause damage to the lab but it was enough to shatter the beaker he was holding and send shards of glass flying in every direction and had Hulk simmering on the surface in no time. The seams of his shirt began to split as his muscles expanded and his toes had already burst through the front of his shoes.

Natasha had been perched in the corner of Bruce’s lab, quietly reading as she had taken to doing every now and then, and was across the room in a few seconds, her hand gently ghosting over Bruce’s wrist rubbing small circles on his pulse point. The Hulk had quietened down after a few minutes of her ministrations but there was still the issue of the rather deep gash on Bruce’s hand from the large piece of glass that was sticking out of it. Natasha had pulled the glass out and stitched up the cut, stopping every now and then to sooth the Hulk back down whenever he got too close to the surface.

“I don’t get it, Natasha. It’s like he’s so intent on not hurting you. Like the sound of your voice and the feel of your skin sends him back to sleep or something.” He huffs out a laugh “it’s like your singing him a fucking lullaby.”

“Maybe that’s what it is, a lullaby. Telling him that it’s okay for him to go back to sleep, that you’re safe.”

“I didn’t think it was possible for anything to stop me from Hulking out. Just seemed like once he got riled up that was it.”

“What if…” she’s not sure if she should bring it up but it’s a thought she’s been dwelling on for a while now. “What if we could use the ‘lullaby’ to bring you back from a full transformation?”

“What!” He looks at her as if she’s gone insane. “And risk the Other Guy smashing you out of his way while he throws his temper tantrum?”

“If it can stop him starting his tantrum who’s to say it won’t be able to get him to calm down from one?”

“And you’re willing to get close enough to give it a try?”

“I would be, yes,” she says it with conviction, more so to persuade herself than him.

“I think you’ve finally had one too many.” He says as he nods towards her half-empty glass of vodka.

“Look, Bruce, I don’t want to push you on this. I just think that there are times when we could use the Big Guy in the field. Especially when Thor is off on another planet somewhere. And it would just be nice to know that we can bring you back without having to repeatedly bash him over the head.”

“I don’t know Natasha; I just don’t feel comfortable letting him loose with nothing but the hope that a lullaby can bring him back.”

He turns to look at her “you still have nightmares about the Helicarrier incident. Do you really want to make those worse?”

“I don’t have them every night.” She turns to meet his gaze and sighs heavily. “Just think about it okay.”

“Okay, but I…”

He’s cut off by the sound of Natasha’s phone ringing.

“Sir? Yes Sir… I can be there to pick him up for 6 am Sir… Yes Sir… I’ll see you then, Sir” She hangs up the phone and stands. “Well Doc, I’m heading to DC to pay Cap a visit. Think about the lullaby.” He nods in response as she turns towards the elevator. Just as she steps in, she turns around and says, “Oh and Bruce.” He looks up. “Don’t finish my vodka without me.” She winks just as the doors are closing.

~*~

Natasha enjoys her missions with Steve. He’s always well prepared and gets the job done quickly and efficiently. She also loves the opportunity to tease him about his love life, or lack thereof.

She’s used having a separate agenda for missions, so it was no surprise when she received a separate mission statement from Fury. She just needed to sneak into the control room, copy the data onto the hard drive and get back to the main deck before Steve was done.

Simple.

Or at least it would have been if Steve hadn’t come crashing through the window of the control room to catch her red-handed. She played it off at the time but sitting back in her hotel room it begins to bug her more than it should. She snags some of the miniatures from the mini bar and thinks about how different her post-mission routines feel when Bruce isn’t around. She snaps a picture and sends him a quick text.

_Routine’s not the same without you, Doc._

He only takes a few minutes to respond.

_On the cheap stuff? Cap, not got any Vodka in the freezer?_

_The hotel has_ a poor _selection. Cap’s not really in the mood for sharing with me._

_I’ll have JARVIS place an order for a few more bottles to make up for it :)_

She laughs at the idea of Bruce sending an emoticon. Knows he would have contemplated whether to add it or not for a long time. The image of him deleting and retyping the emoticon makes her laugh again.

The laughter doesn’t last long when she gets a text from Maria Hill.

_Fury’s been shot. He’s being taken into surgery. I’ve sent you the location. You should come quick._

~*~

Since as long as she can remember Natasha Romanoff had belonged to an organisation. She was an agent of the Red Room from the age of 4 or 5. After she broke her conditioning she was an assassin for the KGB. And up until three hours ago, she was an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

For as long as she can remember she had someone giving her orders. Telling her who to kill and when. Telling her what secrets to steal and what codes to crack. So now that S.H.I.E.L.D. has fallen, and at her hands, she should be feeling free. But that freedom comes with a heavy price.

She didn’t have time to redact her own secrets. She was determined to make sure Clint’s family was safekeeping all records of the farm concealed. Her second thought was to keep Banner’s identity off the record. She’s not sure why that was her second priority, but it was. That meant that she didn’t have the time to conceal any of her own secrets. It was all out there for everyone to see. Her ledger overflowing with red was now on show to the world and there was nothing she could do about it.

~*~

She hadn’t checked her phone since leaving Steve at the hospital. She had five missed calls and three messages from Clint and a text from Bruce. She decides to deal with Clint first.

_WTF is going on?_

_CALL ME ASAP!_

_Just been briefed. Come to the farm after the hearing._

She loves being at the farm and being around Clint’s family. Loves playing the role of Aunt Nat and the way Laura makes her feel like anything but the cold-blooded killer that she is. She contemplates heading over there but that’s not what she needs right now.

She texts back:

_Have things to do. Will stop by another time._

She opens the text from Bruce. It’s a picture of five bottles of Vodka with the caption:

_Just seen the news :/ Got these fully stocked for when you get back._

She smiles at that, Bruce is on the right track, but alcohol is not what she needs right now. What she needs is a good, no strings attached fuck. She’s hoping Bruce is up for it. She knows he finds her attractive, she’s noticed the way his pupils dilate when she’s wearing something slightly provocative, his increased heart rate when she gets too close. They’re both adults. They know the merits of a good fuck in stress relief, have discussed as much.

Surely it’s something they can ask of one another as simply as you’d ask a friend to massage the tension out of your shoulders. Like: _Hey, I’m pretty stressed at the moment. Would you mind fucking my brains out to help me forget about this mess?_

She arrives back at the tower at 2:25 in the morning. She knows Bruce will be awake, it’s just a matter of locating him. “JARVIS, where can I find Bruce?”

“Dr Banner has just returned his apartment on the 68th floor. Would you like me to notify him of your return, Agent Romanoff?”

The reminder of her now former title stings a little. “No, that’s fine. And I guess it’s just Ms Romanoff now.”

The lift has her on his floor in under a minute. She taps lightly on his door and waits patiently. Bruce opens the door and is a little taken aback by her presence at his private quarters.

“Hey, you’re back!” He’s wearing a rather crumpled dark purple shirt and a pair of slightly faded black slacks. She wonders if he was about to turn in for the night. “I watched the hearing on the news. That couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“No, no it wasn’t,” she says in a low husky voice.

“I was gonna go to bed but if you wanted to talk,” he asks as he steps back into his apartment, indicating for her to follow “I’m always willing to listen.”

“And if I asked you for something else,” her voice is pitched low as she takes in the sparseness of his room decorations, still not used to being safe in one place enough to buy excess clutter to make the room his own. “what would your answer be to that?”

“Well, it depends on what that is. I’m also up for being your drinking buddy.”

“Nope”

“Uh, sparring partner?” She just shakes her head at that.

She shrugs off her suit jacket and starts to unbutton her shirt. She hadn’t bothered changing. Figured if this goes to plan, she wouldn’t need clothes. He huffs out a heavy breath and scratches the back of his neck.

“Fuck?” He somehow manages to make it sound like both a statement and a question.

Bruce looks at her hesitantly, then looks away clearly having an internal debate with himself. By the time he looks back her fingers are tackling the buttons below her sternum revealing her full bust. That seems to help him make up his mind and he paces quickly towards her. They meet in the middle of the room, coming together in a heavy embrace, lips meeting almost hungry for each other. Bruce has taken over with her buttons and she’s fumbling with his belt. Her tongue pokes at his lips looking to deepen the kiss.

Bruce pulls back for air as she reaches to start unbuttoning his shirt. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” He asks breathlessly, hands hovering over the zip at the back of her skirt “you’ve been through a lot and I wouldn’t want to take advantage.”

“There’s a lot I’m not sure about right now” she breaths out as she grabs hold of his already hardening cock through his briefs. “This isn’t one of them”.

Their mouths meet again, and he moans at the feel of her touch, her hands delicate yet so sure. “I haven’t done this in a while” he has one hand on the small of her back and the other tangled in her hair, lips hovering over her jaw.

“I know,” she says as she nibbles his earlobe before pulling down her panties, stepping out of them and kicking off her heels as she does.

“I don’t know how long I’ll last”

“Bruce?”

“Yeah?” She steps back as she reaches behind her back and unhooks her bra dropping it to the side with the rest of her discarded clothes as if to say your move. She stands in front of him completely naked and he looks at her with absolute awe, and they both know it’s checkmate. “God, you are beautiful.”

The corner of her mouth curls up into a small smile at the compliment and before she realises it, he’s closed the gap between them hoisting her up as her ankles lock behind him. Their kiss becomes more exploratory now, tongues fighting for dominance.

He shuffles towards the bed, his slacks are still pooled around his ankles and he trips, dropping her on the bed rather unceremoniously. He plants rough kisses down her neck and sternum taking care to appreciate each breast individually as his hand reaches down to between her thighs. She’s already wet and judging by the way she moans at his touch she’s ready for him. But he knows he won’t last long and seen as this is meant to relieve her stress he wants to make sure she gets off too. He pushes a finger into her and his thumb finds her clit, rubbing small circles.

“Bruce” she gasps his name and he takes it as an indicator to insert another digit, thrusting in and out of her. “oh god, Bruce!” its been a while since he’s heard a woman scream his name and he really has missed it. He can tell she’s close. He adds a third finger and can feel her walls starting to contract around him but it’s not enough. He slows his thrusts and pulls his fingers out still giving attention to her clit. She whimpers as her hands reach for the waistband of his briefs and rolls them below his scrotum, grabbing hold of his cock “If you don’t fuck me now I swear to god!”

It takes everything that he’s got not to cum instantly at the feel of her touch. She guides him to her opening and he thrusts straight in giving her exactly what she asked for. She gasps as he enters her and it doesn’t take long before she’s tightening around him, orgasm beginning to take over her, hands reaching up to run through his curls. He’s only a few minutes behind her and he pulls out as he reaches orgasm, making a mess of her stomach and the bed sheets. He rolls over to lie next to her on the bed. Legs hanging over the side. Both gasping for air as they breathe through their climaxes.

“Well,” he blows out a heavy breath and places a hand over his eyes “that was...”

“Pretty damn good for someone who hasn’t done that for a while”

“Yeah?” his insecurity leaking into his voice “sorry about… the mess” he says, as he reaches for one of the blankets draped across his bed to wipe down her stomach before chucking it in the vicinity of his hamper. “I wasn’t wearing a condom and… well, I’m not radioactive or anything... it’s just didn’t want to assume.”

“You don’t need to make a mess next time.” She makes her way to the bathroom, Bruce’s eyes stalking her naked body across the room. “I have pretty effective birth control.”

He doesn’t respond, eyes still watching her as she disappears into his en suite. It’s only once she starts to re-dress that he realises what she’s said. He props himself up onto his elbows.

“So, there’s gonna be a next time?” he quirks his eyebrow at her.

“Well Doc, that’s the best stress relief I’ve had in a long time, so I’d be up for doing that again if you are.” She looks at him as she shrugs her shirt over her shoulders, not bothering to put her bra back on.

He bites his lip as his eyes catch sight of her pink nipples poking through her slightly see-through white shirt.

“Definitely”

She picks up her shoes, bra and suit jacket and heads towards the door. “Thanks, Doc. See you around,” she says with a wink as she turns and leaves to head to her own apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few trigger warnings for this one- references to childhood trauma, graphic descriptions of murder and some very descriptive sexual activity. The smut is sort of embedded into a pretty important section of the chapter so if you don't want to read it then you've sort of got to skim until you get past it- sorry.
> 
> I've taken some liberties with Natasha's back story here. I've read a few black widow comics but never any that detail her origin story (how she wound up in the Red Room) so I'm enjoying some creative free reign on that part.

Natasha wakes up the next morning still reeling from the events of the past week. Bruce was a big help, but it hasn’t done much to subdue the rage that’s built up inside of her. She’s pissed at everything. At Fury who lied to her and didn’t trust her to bring her in on his fake death. Pissed that the Winter Soldier got away. Pissed that the Winter Soldier is actually James Barnes. Pissed that Hydra has been using her as a puppet to carry out their tasks. Pissed that the ledger that she thought she was wiping out is dripping redder than ever before. But most of all, she’s pissed that all she can do is lie in bed and think about how pissed she is. She decides she’s had enough of being pissed and doing nothing.

  
She flings on some clothes and heads to the kitchen for some breakfast. At least she can eat and be pissed. She storms into the kitchen, not bothering with the silent footsteps, and heads straight for the coffee pot. Bruce is already in the kitchen washing something up, and she doesn’t bother acknowledging him. She opens one of the cupboards, pulls out a mug and slams it on the countertop with enough force that Bruce is surprised that it didn’t smash. She slams the cupboard shut and picks up the coffeepot to fill her mug. She’s about to slam it back down too but Bruce intercepts and takes the pot out her hand settling it back down.

  
“Jesus Christ! What happened to the stealth mode that you usually adopt?”

  
She glares at him and leans back on the counters. “Where’s the fucking point? It’s not like I’m an agent anymore. No need to be stealthy when you’re an unemployed assassin.” She takes a sip of the coffee and spits it out immediately. “Fuck Stark and his shitty-ass fucking coffee!” She furiously chucks the mug into the sink and this time it does shatter. The sink becoming a mess of porcelain and coffee. “You’d think a rich ass motherfucker like Tony fucking Stark would be able to afford some half decent godman fucking coffee!”

  
He’s half stunned by the angry tirade coming out her mouth. She’s started cursing in Russian and he can only make out a few of the expletives. “I take it last night didn’t actually help then?”

  
“What the fuck do you think?” He looks hurt by her words. She crosses her arms against her chest and sighs. “It did. For yesterday. But I woke up this morning pissed and it’s gonna take a while to get over that.”

  
“Hm” he contemplates that for a second. “Round two, then?” he says with a sheepish grin.

  
She looks at him and a small smile plays across her lips. “You know Doc” she takes a step closer to him so their bodies are pressed together. “I think that might just be what I need right now.”

  
Their faces are inches apart, breath mingling in a warm cloud between their lips.

  
“There’s my favourite green bean and recently former agent.” They immediately break apart as Tony walks into the common area. If he noticed them, he definitely didn’t show it.

  
“Fuck you, Stark!”

  
“I appreciate the offer, Red. But I do make it a point not to sleep with Hydra agents.”

  
“Tony, enough!” Bruce attempts to diffuse the situation that Tony seems to be intent on worsening.

  
“It’s actually one of the few rules I have really.”

  
Natasha is about to lunge at Tony and Bruce catches her wrist and pulls her back. She spins on her heel to face him. “I need to get out of this fucking tower!”

  
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” Tony says, as if the world’s best assassin isn’t gunning for him right now. “There might not be a warrant for your arrest but that doesn’t seem to have stopped the group of angry protestors who have had the spare time to google ‘Natasha Romanoff’ and see that lovely ledger of yours.”

  
“Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck this shit!” Natasha storms off out of the kitchen.

  
“Do you really have to be such a jackass, Tony?” Bruce asks.

  
“It’s my USP” he shrugs “Red knows it’s all love.”

  
Bruce doesn’t respond to that. Just leaves the lounge area.

  
Natasha collapses down on her bed. Maybe staying in bed and being pissed was the best idea after all. 50 minutes pass when Natasha hears JARVIS’ voice come over the speakers.

  
“Ms Romanoff, Dr Banner has requested your presence in the theatre room.”

  
She groans “tell him I’m sleeping.”

  
“I’m afraid he’s insisting.”

  
“Well then tell him to fuck off!” she doesn’t want to be angry at Bruce, but right now she’s angry at everything.

  
“Sorry Ms Romanoff, but Mr Stark has prohibited me from using expletives.”

  
“For fuck’s sake, Jarvis!” she pushes herself off the bed and huffs out a breath as she heads to the theatre room.

  
She can smell the Thai food as soon as she enters, and Bruce is sat in the middle isle on one of the double sofas.

  
“Hey, so I figured you wouldn’t have eaten anything, so I ordered some Thai food. I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I just ordered a bunch of stuff. I also picked up a few bottles of vodka.” He points towards the bucket of vodka bottles and ice. “I got a selection of mixers because I know you’re angry, but it is still pretty early. And there’s a range of movies already downloaded so I figured, seen as you can’t leave the tower… We could just hide out in here for a while… Or you can, I don’t have to stay.”

  
She watches him for a moment. “Okay, but we’re not watching anything animated. I’ve had enough of cartoons with Barton.” She sits next to him and picks up a container of noodles. “Thanks.”

  
They eat in silence while they watch The Godfather, Natasha had never seen it and Bruce insisted it was a classic. She’s got to hand it to him, it is pretty good, and she’s pleased to find out there’s two more plus a selection of similar movies like Goodfellas and Scarface. When they finish eating Natasha curls her legs up underneath her and rests her head on his chest.

  
Halfway into The Godfather: Part II Natasha’s mind can’t help but to wonder back to the events of the night before. Maybe she should try to deal with her whole life being turned to shit in a healthier manner but who says sex isn’t a healthy coping mechanism? Oxytocin is a natural pain relief and endorphins a natural stress relief, and a climax can cause a surge of both, temporarily relieving her of her current… funk. The right partner can prove a useful catalyst to her climax and though out of practice Bruce has definitely demonstrated his credentials to be a catalyst. If anything, sex is proving to be a very healthy coping mechanism.

  
She starts to undo his belt buckle and fiddles with the buttons on his jeans, her hand diving down into his boxers all while keeping her focus on the screen ahead.

  
“Woah, what are you doing? You’re missing the best part.” Bruce Banner everyone. Genius. Scientist. Dork. The man willing to turn down sex for a good movie scene. She quirks an eyebrow at him, her hand unmoving from the firm grip she has on his cock. “Yeah, I heard myself.” He says as he flips round so that he’s on top of her. “What if someone comes in?” He doesn’t seem too concerned about it as he’s already undoing her jeans and pulling them down, along with her underwear.

  
She shuffles to help him. “What’s the matter Doc, you not into a bit of exhibitionism?”

  
“No, I just don’t want to be the source of tower gossip.”

  
He plants kisses on her inner thighs, teasingly as he leads a trail up towards her wet spot, purposefully skipping over it and trailing up and down the other thigh.

  
“JARVIS, initiate the Widow protocol for the theatre ro _om_ …” The rest of her sentence is lost to the sound of her moans as his tongue finds a steady rhythm. She was planning to go down on him but she’s definitely not complaining about this.

  
His rhythm seems almost rehearsed, hitting the right spots with the right amount of pressure, bringing her close to the edge. And then, as if he’s purposefully trying to keep her there, he changes it up to something entirely different and starts to build her up again only to change rhythm once more. She’s not sure if she wants to kill him for this or have him live between her thighs and carrying her on the brink for the rest of eternity. She’s not sure about much at the moment. Not really capable of any kind of coherent thought as his tongue laps at her mons, occasionally flicking her clit.

  
She’s got her hands buried in his hair and her heels locked behind his shoulders, doing everything she can not to thrust into his face as she moans encouragements in a range of languages she can’t even distinguish herself. His jaw must be aching by now and she’s amazed by his stamina, though she only has a few seconds to ponder this before he sucks down on her swollen clit and sends a mind-blowing orgasm surging through her body.

  
He's watching her when she comes down with a smug smile on his face as if to say _yeah, I just did that_. His tongue flicks out to reapply pressure to her clit and it sends a shudder down her spine.

  
She rolls her eyes, says “don’t look so smug about it.” Before she pulls him up by his collar and brings her lips crashing to his, tasting the herself on his tongue.

  
It’s not long before she’s got him out of his trousers and boxers and he’s lining the tip of his erection up at her opening. At her nod he eases the tip in before pulling it out again. He thrusts further in then pulls out almost all the way and Natasha’s pretty sure this man is testing her patience. But there’s something she can do about that. She digs her heels into his ass encouraging him to enter further. He continues the deep thrusts, pulling out almost all the way and thrusting in as far as possible.

  
The room is filled with the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh and heavy panting and the faint sound of The Godfather: Part II playing in the background. They probably should’ve stopped the movie but the sounds barely register as her pulse fills her ears. Bruce lasts longer than the night before. Not impressively long, but long enough to allow another orgasm to build and surge through her. The feel of her contracting around his shaft must be all it takes to send him tumbling over the edge with her and he buries his head in the crook of her neck as he pants trying to catch his breath.

  
By the time they finish, the movie is in its final few minutes and she doesn’t have a clue what was going on. He eases himself off of her and offers her a sheepish grin as he hands her a napkin to clean up. Bruce zips himself up and gets The Godfather: Part III started. She resumes her position of cuddling into his chest once she returns.

  
The movie is about halfway through when Bruce looks down at Natasha and notices her gaze is distant and she’s barely watching the movie.

  
Bruce pauses the film and shifts to look her in the eyes.

  
“Do you want to talk about it?”

  
She doesn’t. But the look that he’s giving her isn’t the pity or disgust that she expects. It’s not even a look of empathy or understanding. No, what Bruce is offering is a blank expression, a sounding board that displays no prior judgment, and she thinks she can handle that.

  
“Do you wanna pour me a drink before I do.”

  
Bruce huffs out a laugh as he reaches for one of the vodka bottles.

  
“I uh, I may have forgotten cups.”

  
“That’s fine. Seems like a swigging from the bottle kind of conversation.” She says as she does exactly that.

  
“A little cliché isn’t it?”

  
“You calling me cliché, Banner?” She asks giving him a questioning look. “I’ve killed men for less.” That gets a nervous chuckle from the scientist. She sighs heavily before taking another swig from the bottle and handing it over to Bruce. “When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina. My mother used to take me to lessons. I don’t remember much about her; I know her hair was as red as mine and her skin just as pale. She would save away what little money we had to pay for the lessons.” Her eyes are distant as if she can see the memory in a faraway space. “My father, he… let’s just say he wasn’t a good man. He fell into debt with the wrong people and could never pay it back. He had to be taught a lesson, had to be made an example of. So one night, I must have been four or five” She shrugs, she’s not really sure how old she was, or how old she is now for that matter “they came into our home, slit my mother’s throat in front of me and put a bullet through my father’s head.” She takes the vodka bottle back from Bruce and takes a long swig. “I was sold to the Red Room the next day.”

  
“Natasha I…” She can see the pity in his eyes and it’s that look that infuriates her. She doesn’t think she deserves it.

  
“I made my first kill when I was 7.” And that’s successfully erased the look of pity in his eyes and replaced it with something else. Horror she suspects. “Another girl from the Red Room. I can’t remember her name.” That’s a lie, she remembers her name all too well. But she doesn’t dare speak it. “She was one of the older girls, looking to be the first to make a kill to impress Madame. That’s why she picked to spar with me. Thought I would be an easy kill. But she was sloppy, or at least that’s what Madame told me after. Thought she could take her guard down against me and wound up with a broken neck because of it.”

  
“Natasha, that wasn’t your fault.” The pity has returned to his voice again.

  
“Really Bruce? Then whose fault was it? It wasn’t hers.”

  
“You didn’t know any better.”

  
“Didn’t I? Did I not know any better when I killed the pregnant daughter of a politician? Or how about when I set a children’s hospital on fire? I’ve done unjustifiable things Bruce and I always knew better.” Her gaze is vacant once again. “True monsters always know better.”

  
“You didn’t have a choice Nat. It was kill or be killed. You didn’t have a choice.”

  
She sighs heavily. “No. I guess I didn’t. Not then anyways.” She takes another long swig from the now half-empty bottle. “But when S.H.I.E.L.D. asked me to do the same things I still chose to do it.” She closes her eyes and lets out a heavy, shaky breath. “I thought it was fine so long as I was doing it for the right side. But it turns out I’ve been doing evil things for evil people all my life. Once a monster always a monster right?” She says with another swig.

  
“You’re not a monster Nat.” That’s the second time he’s used that nickname. The nickname that only the Barton’s use when she’s playing the role of fun Aunt Nat who hasn’t murdered more people than she can even remember. Aunt Nat who hasn’t spent most of her life, lying and killing in the name of liars as killers, as Loki put it. It’s only then that she realises that all it takes is for Cooper or Lila to search her name in Google and that image is shattered. Bruce cups her cheek with his hand and she can’t help but lean into it. “Natasha look at me. You are not a monster.”

  
“How could you say that Bruce?”

  
“Because monsters don’t try to make up for past mistakes. Because monsters don’t tear down Nazi groups disguised as secretive government agencies at their own expense.” There’s a sincere look in his eyes and for a second Natasha actually starts to believe that she’s not a monster. “And because a monster definitely wouldn’t try to protect the secrets of a guy who scares them shitless.”

  
“You don’t scare me anymore.” She says it because it’s true. She may still be scared of the Hulk, that fear may never go away. But the man who houses the beast is nothing to fear.

  
“Still, the sentiment stands. And if your past makes you a monster then so does mine. And Tony’s and Thor’s and Clint’s- I’d imagine. Hell, the only Avenger who wouldn’t be classed as a monster would be Steve. And then we’re just a group of monsters trying to atone for sins of the past.”

  
“At least your past sins aren’t out there for the world to see.”

  
“No that’s true. But that doesn’t make them any less real.” He removes his hand from where it had been resting on her cheek and Natasha finds she strangely misses the warmth. “Besides, the world will get over it soon enough. The Kardashians will do something scandalous next week and everyone will be over it.”

  
He’s got a point, and he’s trying to take her mind off it all for which she’s grateful. “You keep up with the Kardashians, Doc?”

  
“We’ve all got our guilty pleasures. At least it’s not the Real Housewives of Atlanta or something like that.”

  
“Are you kidding? That series is TV gold! You really must be a monster.”

  
“Takes one to know one.”

  
And it really does. Maybe they are all monsters. Monsters trying to save the world from worse monsters. And maybe she’s okay with that. Because these monsters know the type of monster she is and accept her for it anyways. The world will get over the fact that the hero they once hailed her to be is actually a monster once they need saving again. And until then, she can stay hauled up in the tower watching 70’s mafia movies, drinking vodka and sleeping with a dorky physicist with unprecedented anger issues.   
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild violence- I'm really bad at writing fight scenes.
> 
> Also, time jumps a fair bit in this fic. I've tried to make that clear.

The past several months had been nothing if not a whirlwind. She’d been caught negotiating her position in a team that exists without a governing body, acting on the whims of its own accord whenever it feels as though the world requires their level of expertise. A team where she is merely a nonenhanced individual working with a super soldier, a millionaire in an iron suit, a god, an expert archer and a man who turns into a literal green monster.

  
She’d also been negotiating her position with said green monster who she’d been fucking after almost every mission that the team (minus said green monster) had embarked on since they got word that the sceptre had been taken with the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., the fall that she’s responsible for. He never joins them in the field, only acting as their 'man in the chair' offering his expertise from the safety of the tower or the Quinjet (but only if absolutely necessary) during their assaults on the many Hydra bases.

  
It’s after the missions that his true abilities come to the fore. Sometimes it’s his basic medical practice learned on the road that proves enough to stitch up the wear and tear from their latest adventures. Most times it’s his proficiency in human anatomy and expertise in cunnilingus where he enables her to transcend the confines of her physical being and lose herself in the realm of euphoria. Either or, sometimes both. But whatever the form Bruce’s participation takes he always balances the line of more useful than not.

  
Yet there are times, _sometimes_ , when she’s riding the wave of orgasm or coming down from a high of pain meds- whichever method the good doctor prescribed- that she can’t help but wonder an existence where said green monster tips the scale and dedicates himself to team useful. She can’t help but think how fewer scars and scratches her or the others would sport if the good doctor ditched the lab coat and spectacles, donned his bulging pecs and green skin, and joined them out in the battlefield.

  
She thinks it’s maybe not her place to push the issue. As a teammate, a friend and now casual sexual partner maybe the lines are far too blurred for her to suggest Bruce take a more hands-on role- pun not intended… or it is, she can’t decide- in the team. But it’s the events of Thanksgiving’s eve that push her hand and make her finally decide to cut the shit and tell him that they need another heavy hitter in the field.

  
Clint is spending Thanksgiving at the tower with the lost, unloved and abandoned (which category she falls into she’s still undecided, maybe all three) having insisted the rest of the Barton clan continue their scheduled trip to her sister’s villa in Spain despite his not being able to be away from the team for too long with the Sceptre being missing; his shit about it having nothing to do with his dislike of his sister in law doesn’t stick.

  
Thus he’s stuck in the tower with herself, Tony and Bruce. The former being abandoned by Pepper who has SI business to attend to in Tokyo and the latter having no plans in the first place. Steve had been the one to insist on the break in Hydra raids to enjoy a hearty Thanksgiving meal but had neglected to inform them that he himself would not be partaking in the indulgence and would, in fact, be returning to DC to deal with his missing person case with Sam.

  
“I don’t mind cooking, but we haven’t got anything in and it’s gonna be pretty difficult to get a turkey the day before Thanksgiving.”

  
“Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce.” Tony sings with the shake of his head. “I’m Tony Stark. Nothing is difficult to get, no matter what day of the year it is.” 

  
They’ve been sat in the common room playing video games and drinking beers for the past two hours now, occasionally picking at the cold pizza they ordered for dinner. Clint and Natasha are currently going head to head in a game of Mario Kart.

  
“Yes!” Natasha shoves her fists in the air. “In your face Barton! Banner, you’re next up to get your ass kicked!”

  
“I hate this game!” Clint chucks his controller across the coffee table. “Why can’t we play Call of Duty or something?”

  
“Because you’re the world’s best archer who has never missed a shot and I can shoot a target square in the head with a blindfold on. It would hardly be fair on these two amateurs.”

  
“I’m picking the course!” Bruce says as he swigs his beer and picks up Clint’s discarded controller.

  
“Fine Banner, but don’t pick the fucking Rainbow Road.” Bruce, of course, sets it to the Rainbow Road. “What the fuck did I just say, Banner?”

  
“Jheeze, you get mean when you’re competitive” Bruce looks at her feeling both slightly turned on and surprised.

  
“You know you love it really.” She gives him a flirtatious smile. Clint goes to retrieve more beers and misses the exchange, but Tony catches it.

  
“Uh, Widow. If you could be so kind as to not try and lure my science bro into your web. I don’t want to stumble upon his bloodless corpse once you’ve had your way with him.”

  
“Oh, I think Bruce can handle himself.” She winks at him, not bothering to hide it from Tony. “Oh, you motherfucker!” she yells as Bruce crosses the finishing line.

  
“Come on Tony, I need more challenging competition than Romanoff,” Bruce smirks at her as he finishes off the last few dredges of his beer.

  
Natasha gets up from her position to sit near Bruce. She leans over and whispers in his ear “I will make you pay for that comment.”

  
“Oh, I hope you do.” He whispers back. Natasha fights back the urge to kiss the grin off of his face. Man, she really does love the flirtatious, confident side of Bruce.

  
“Do you two want to go and get a room or something?” Tony eyes the two of them suspiciously “I do have a tower full of them.”

  
“A room for what?” Clint asks as he returns with four cold beers and hands them out, none the wiser to the overt display of flirting that Tony just witnessed.

  
“Why don’t we all make something for dinner tomorrow?” Bruce suggests, ignoring Clint’s question. “Doesn’t have to be traditional Thanksgiving foods, it could just be like a potluck type thing.

  
“Sure! I can make Pierogi.” Natasha says as she leans over Bruce and tries to fiddle with his controller.

  
Bruce swats her away. “I learned how to make a pretty good vegetable curry in Kolkata.”

  
“I’d like to take this time to tell you that I can’t cook” Tony adds proudly.

  
“Right, well you can buy something then. And I’ll come to the supermarket with you and get some ingredients to make cookies. That’s about all I can make.” Clint says and Natasha knows he’s not exaggerating. She’s tried some of the deadly meals he’s attempted to cook the few times Laura had been away and left him to fend for himself and the kids; no one deserves to have to suffer through that stuff.

  
“Well you guys might want to go soon, seen as the shops won’t be open tomorrow” Bruce looks at his watch. “And you’ve probably got a few more hours until they close.”

  
“Are you trying to get rid of us, Banner?” Tony teases. “JARVIS, send one of the receptionists to the store for us. Tell them to pick us up some bits for dinner tomorrow, and some ingredients for cookies.”

  
“Yes, Mr Stark. Is that all?”

  
“Thanks, J”

  
Natasha rolls her eyes as her phone starts to ring. “Romanoff… Yes… Barton and Stark… Yes... Can be in the air in five minutes.” She swipes her thumb to end the call. “Sorry boys fun's over. We’ve got a break-in at a former S.H.I.E.L.D. storage unit. Fancy a little Thanksgiving fun?”

  
“She says that as if we really have a choice,” Clint says as he dumps out the rest of their beers, ignoring Bruce’s grumble that he needn’t chuck his as well.

  
“Technically we answer to no one.” Tony chimes through the faceplate of the Ironman armour that assembles around him.

  
“You say that as if we’re just gonna leave them to it.” Clint retorts.

~*~

  
They touch down and Natasha heads to the control pad to gain entrance to the facility.

  
“Stark, S.H.I.E.L.D.’s tech is looking pretty uncrackable. I can’t hack this. Think you can take care of this?” Natasha asks over the comms.

  
“Romanoff, I’ve been a certified genius since the age of 13, do you even have to ask?” Tony lands next to her and assesses the control panel. “JARVIS, what’ve you got for me?”

  
“Sir, it would appear that in the event of a lockdown, the facility can only be unlocked using the biometrics of former S.H.I.E.L.D. Director Nick Fury.”

  
“Are you telling me these dumbasses locked themselves in?”

  
“I don’t believe it was intentional Sir.” The AI responds with a level of sarcasm that no computer should be capable of if you ask her. “The facility is designed to seal in the event of forced entry.”

  
“We’re not gonna be able to get in without force.” Natasha nods to give him the go ahead. “Right J, charge the thrusters to 100%, we’re gonna need everything we’ve got.” Tony blasts the doors off, sending shrapnel flying all over the place. Natasha ducks out of the way, but a few pieces catch her side, cutting her cheek slightly and leaving a rather deep gash on her arm. It kills but she pushes the pain to the back of her mind.

  
Tony leads the way flying high to scan the room. Clint finds a perch near the entrance whilst Natasha enters further into the building.

  
“I count 12 of these goons.”

  
There’re grunts over the comms as Natasha takes down one of them. “Make that 11. These guys are amateurs. Probably looking to score big on some weapons with S.H.I.E.L.D. out of the way.” She ducks as someone swings a punch at her and jams her Widow Bites into his neck.

  
“We’ll round these guys up and leave them with a pretty little bow for the clean-up crew,” Clint says, the distinctive sound of arrows being let loose coming over the comms. “Nat, there’s two coming your way.”

  
“How did these guys manage to break into a S.H.I.E.L.D. weapons vault?” Natasha asks to no one in particular as she charges towards one of the men. She kicks him back into the wall and uses the momentum to bounce off and lunge at the other guy, wrapping her body around his neck and pulling him down under her weight. The first guy finds the courage to get back up and stabs at her with his knife but his movements are that of a slow armature and are no match for the Black Widow. She dodges out of the way of the knife grabbing hold of his wrist and yanking it over her shoulder. She gets her whole body under him and uses it to flip him over, sending him crashing onto the other guy who was attempting to stand again. With the two definitely down for the count, she checks back in with the Tony and Clint. “Status update?”

  
“All clear by the entrance. Stark?”

  
“Just putting the finishing touches on my pretty bow.”

  
Natasha rolls her eyes and places the call to Maria for a clean-up crew before heading back to the Quinjet. As the adrenaline wears off the pain from the gash on her arm kicks up again. She reaches for the first aid supplies in Bruce’s locker and begins to clean it as she waits for the others. Clint arrives back at the jet and takes over, prepping a needle and some surgical thread for stitches.

  
“Now this definitely reminds me of Budapest.” Natasha jokes, trying to distract herself from the pain. Stitches don’t usually hurt but Clint can be heavy-handed sometimes.

  
“Seriously, were we on two different missions in Budapest?”

  
Clint usually enjoys a good drink after a mission, even one as basic as this, but she has other ideas and passes him off with an excuse about wanting her stitches redone to avoid another ugly scar on her canvas of them, providing her with a valid excuse when she exits the elevator on Bruce’s floor.

  
“Hey,” she says as she enters his room.

He’s authorised automatic access to his room for her, seen as she stops by so frequently now. He’s lying on the bed reading when she walks in, dressed for bed, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a plain white t-shirt.

  
“Hey. How was the mission?”

  
“Amateurs braking into an old S.H.I.E.L.D. warehouse. Pretty easy to deal with.”

  
“So, not that stressful then?” he asks.

  
“Not that stressful.” Bruce looks more than a little disappointed at that. “but there’s a snarky comment I need to make you pay for.”

  
She saunters over to him, tugging at the zipper of her tac suit as she does. As she pulls out her arm Bruce catches sight of the bandage wrapped around her arm and she silently curses herself for being so sloppy.

  
“What happened?”

  
“Stark had to blast open the doors.” She says with a shrug as though it’s nothing because it really is. “Barton stitched it up.”

  
He winces as he gets a proper look at it. “I hate seeing you get hurt.”

  
“It wouldn’t happen as much if we had the Big Guy fighting with us.”

  
“You’d probably end up worse if he was out there. Especially when the fight’s done”

  
“Not with the lullaby.”

  
“Nat, that idea is ludicrous and you know it. It’s a recipe to get killed.”

  
She can hear the anger building up in his voice but decides to ignore it. “We could’ve used him out there today.”

  
“Jesus Christ Natasha! Will you drop it already!” His eyes flash green momentarily before they return to their usual brown. “If you’re here to fuck then great but if you’re just here to talk about the Other Guy then I’d really rather go to bed.”

  
“Seriously?” She’s genuinely surprised by his outburst and slightly hurt by his words. “Fuck you, Banner!” She stands from the bed and pulls the rest of her suit back on. “You can go back to fucking yourself.”

  
His groan is a clear mixture of frustration and regret. “Nat, I’m sorry.” He yells to her retreating figure. “Natasha!” He groans again as his head falls back to lean on the headboard.

  
Natasha’s not sure why Bruce’s last remark infuriated her so much. It shouldn't, he had a point. They were supposed to just be fucking. But for some reason, verbalising it in such a crude way really did bug her.

  
She heads straight for the shower when she gets back to her apartment, she’s still covered in sweat from the mission and she needs to cool off. Bruce is sat on her bed waiting for her when she exits the shower and he stands the moment he sees her.

  
“I came to apologise. Not for not wanting to release the Other Guy, but for being a dick about it. I know you meant well, and I didn’t have to be an asshole. And I didn’t mean to dismiss us. _This_. Whatever _this_ is, as just sex.”

  
“No, you were right. We’re just fucking.” She shrugs, her face the image of neutrality. “As a sexual partner, I have no place to tell you to release the Hulk.” She chews her inner lip, debates her words. Picking the best route to go about this conversation that none of her other teammates seems to be willing to have. “As your _teammate_ , however, I think I have some right to tell you that withholding the other guy from battle is slightly selfish and having him out there would make our job a whole lot easier.”

  
“Are you kidding me?” the anger from moments prior is back on his face.

  
“I don’t get why you keep trying to avoid the fight.”

  
“Because I’ll win!” His voice is loud and echoes in her sparsely decorated apartment.

  
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” And she really can’t understand his point there. The goal is to win, so why would that be bad?

  
“Don’t you get it? I’m the nuclear option! I’m the gun in the knife fight!” His voice is frantic and filled with anger and getting louder with every sentence. There’s green in his eyes again but this time it’s not just a flicker. “It’s not a fair battle when I’m around.”

  
“Some of these people don’t deserve a fair battle, Bruce. Hydra is experimenting on innocent people and you won’t help us stop them because of what? Some jacked up sense of morality?”

  
“Did you learn nothing from the Helicarrier incident? There’s no controlling the Hulk. He doesn’t know when the fights over, you don’t know if he’ll turn on you guys”

  
“He didn’t in New York.”

  
“And you want to gamble your life on the hopes that he’ll cooperate again? That’s an easy way to get yourself killed Natasha.” He walks over towards the door ready to leave. His knuckles are white from the tight fists he’s balled his hands into. “For someone who’s been through what you have, I would’ve thought you would’ve had more life preservation than that.”

  
He doesn’t wait for her response. Just leaves her apartment and leaves her still reeling from the argument and very much needing to punch something or someone. Good thing Clint was in the tower.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure smut. This chapter isn't really that relevant to the story, it's literally just smut. If you want you can skip to the next chapter and I'll put a summary of what happened.

Natasha is sat at the desk in her room when she gets a text through from Clint.

  
_Gone for a run. Leaving in an hour. Meet you by the car._

  
Her bag is already packed. Had been since Clint showed up a week ago, ready to take her back to the farm with him. She hadn’t been there since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and she really had missed the kids. She spoke to Lila over her last skype with Laura and after some convincing (although really it didn’t take much) she agreed to go back with Clint.

  
She still had an hour to kill and her mind started to wonder what a particular nerdy scientist was doing for the next 60 minutes. She hadn’t spoken to him since their argument the other day and she really should patch things up before she disappears for a good few weeks.

  
Natasha made her way down to the doctor’s lab only to find him staring angrily between a whiteboard and the computer screens. The board is covered with various scribbles that must be a series of equations, the name Veronica written in the corner. A number of codes are running across the computer screens at an incredible rate. She watches him from the doorway, not making any sounds that would notify him of her presence. She enjoys watching him work in the frantic, organised chaotic manner.

  
Not to mention his genius is pretty sexy to watch in action. The way his hair is poking in all different directions, looking more dishevelled than usual from where he’d evidently been tugging at it, glasses absentmindedly forgotten in that mop of curls. His shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and half untucked. He looks like a complete and utter mess and every bit the dorky scientist that she seems to be drawn to.

  
“I’m afraid the simulation has failed again Dr Banner,” Jarvis says overhead.

  
“That’s not possible!” Bruce tugs at his hair as he plops back on his desk chair. “We’ve run every possible variation of the equation. How is the experiment still failing?” His hands rub up and down his face, the heels of his hands digging into his eyes. “Okay, I’ve probably made a mistake in one of the equations.” He lets out a heavy sigh not bothering to look up to the ceiling as he usually does when talking to the AI. “Check over my math. There’s bound to be a mistake in their somewhere.”

  
“Certainly. That will take approximately 3 hours and 47 minutes, doctor.”

  
Bruce lets out an impatient grumble as he slumps back in his chair.

  
“What’s up Doc?” Natasha says as she saunters up to sit on the edge of his desk. “That genius brain of yours not working?”

  
“I’m starting to question the genius side of things.”

  
Natasha slides swiftly from the desk and onto Bruce’s lap. “Looks like you could do with a distraction.” She doesn’t give him time to respond as she brings her lips to his, her hands immediately finding their way to his mess of hair. She feels his tongue poking at her lips and instantly grants him access. Her fingers begin to undo the buttons of his shirt, she makes it down to his navel before he pulls back.

  
“What if someone walks in?” He doesn’t seem too bothered by the thought as he starts to undo his belt. It was a sort of unspoken agreement that they didn’t tell anyone about their little arrangement. Steve still held his 20th-century views about sex, even if he was slowly evolving. Thor probably wouldn’t care too much and Natasha knew Clint would probably feel protective of her sleeping with the guy that houses the most dangerous beast on the planet. And neither of them were up for the onslaught of jokes that would come from Tony if he found out. So they decided to keep it secret. “Clint could be back at any minute. Or Tony.”

  
“Tony’s at an SI event with Pepper till tomorrow.” Her hands finish the job on his shirt and one has found its way back up to his hair whilst the other drifts further down and under the waistband of his boxers. “And we’ve got about 45 minutes before Clint comes back.” He lets out a satisfied groan as her hand contacts the bare flesh of his penis. “I was a bit of a jerk yesterday.” She says it as if this is a perfectly valid form of apology. Like _yeah, I may have pushed too hard but can I offer you some sex as an apology?_ “So Bruce. Where do you want my mouth? Here?” she says before meeting his lips again, tongues moving erratically inside each other’s mouths. Bruce moans as she pulls away only to let out another moan when her mouth makes it way to his jawline, placing small kisses along his jaw and nipping a path to his earlobe. “Here?” Her breath is hot on his ear as she sucks down on the lobe. “Or here?” she asks as she trails a fingernail lightly against the length of his erect penis. Bruce lets out another moan as his head falls back. “Very good Dr Banner.”

  
Natasha slides off of Bruce’s lap and kneels between his knees. She licks the length of his shaft swirling around as she gets to the tip. She could let him squirm. Would probably get off on watching the tension in his thighs as she toys with him. But they haven’t got the time for that. She takes him in her mouth, her hands working the rest of his penis as she bobs up and down between his thighs. He has a tight grip on the arms of his desk chair as he fights the urge to put his hands on her head- it’s one of the things she hates most when going down on guys, she knows what she’s doing, doesn’t need a hand guiding her.

  
The urge to touch her must eventually win out as Bruce pulls her up from her kneeling position and brings his mouth crashing to her own. She eventually pulls away and turns to clear a space on his cluttered desk. Bruce immediately presses up against her, sliding his hands down her body as he hooks his hands under the band of her leggings and panties to pull them down. She can feel his erection on the bare flesh of her ass and pushes back against him, hearing him let out an almost feral groan.

  
“Can I…”

  
He gets halfway through asking before his shyness wins out and the question dwindles, but she’s pretty sure she knows what he was going to ask.

  
She nods before taking two of his fingers in her mouth, swirling her tongue around them mimicking her earlier ministrations, before guiding them down to where they need to be. She feels one of them press towards her opening but she doesn’t feel him enter. She realises after a while that he’s waiting for her, ever the gentlemen making sure she’s comfortable at all times.

  
She leans forward onto the desk, using her elbows to prop her up. She turns to look over her shoulder and with a smirk nods her assent. Bruce slowly presses one finger into her followed by a second which elicits a moan from Natasha. Once Bruce has her stretched out he retracts his fingers and Natasha immediately feels the lack of contact, though it’s only temporary as she feels Bruce ease his way into her. She gasps as he enters, the feel of pain from the lack of lube and the pleasure mixing to create an overwhelming sensation.

  
She’s still as she adjusts to the feeling, perhaps for too long as Bruce leans down and tucks a loose curl behind her ear. “You good?” He asks, concern leaking into his voice.

  
“So good”

  
Her confirmation seems to be all the encouragement he needs as he places a kiss in her hair and begins his thrusts, deep and fast. The lab is filled with the sound of flesh pounding on flesh as Natasha meets his thrusts, heavy pants, the scraping of the metal legs of Bruce’s desk as it scratches against the floor and the whirring sounds of the surrounding lab equipment. Natasha has a death grip on the edge of the desk, knuckles turning white as she tries to keep herself steady.

  
Bruce has a steadying grip on her hip with one hand and she feels the other hand snake around her waist. She feels his hand slid between her thighs where she’s been practically dripping for some time now. She feels the heel of his hand press against her nub as he curls two fingers inside her.

  
She hears a sound in the distance- almost like a squeal- that she doesn’t even recognise as coming from herself until she hears Bruce say. “Sorry. I- uh I should’ve asked.”

  
He begins to retract his hand and Natasha grips his wrist keeping him in place. “Don’t you dare stop.” Her voice sounds almost feral as she says it and she sees Bruce smirk in response before he restarts his thrusts.

  
Between the pounding behind her, the two fingers inside her and the press of the heel of Bruce’s hand on her clit Natasha doesn’t know which sensation to focus on. She can feel the orgasm pooling in her stomach and she’s so close. She just needs something else. As if he’s able to read her mind, Bruce bites down on the sensitive skin between her neck and collarbone, sending an orgasm shuddering through her entire body. She feels her knees go weak and white spots form behind her eyes as she rides through the waves of orgasm.

  
Bruce slows his thrusts, but only momentarily. Once her breathing is less ragged, Bruce continues as he was before and Natasha feels the second orgasm building fast. Bruce climaxes with one hard thrust and presses the heel of his hand down onto her swollen clitoris. That’s all it takes for the second orgasm to surge through her and she comes hard. Harder than she thinks she’s ever come before.

  
She vaguely feels Bruce pull out of her and place a small kiss on her ass as he crashes back into his desk chair, but it barely registers. Right now she feels like a useless heap of limbs slumped over Bruce’s desk, trying to even out her breathing and refocus her eyes.

  
“Are you okay?”

  
Bruce’s voice brings her mind back into focus. “Yeah.” She says as she pushes herself up from his desk and tries to collect herself. “More than okay.” She checks her watch as she fixes her clothes- 10 minutes till she has to meet Clint, plenty of time to clean up.

  
“Was there something you wanted?” Natasha quirks an eyebrow at him. “Well, I just. I assume you didn’t just come down here to...”

  
“I’m gonna be gone for a few weeks.”

  
“Oh.”

  
“I’ve got a mission with Clint... And I didn’t want to leave things on a bad note.”

  
She doesn’t dwell on why she’s decided to patch things up with him, why she didn’t just leave and allow this thing between them to end with her departure. Perhaps it’s because she knows she’ll have to return eventually. Or perhaps it’s because Bruce is one of the few people that find themselves in the bracket of friend and lover- though that is a thought she’d really rather not deal with.

  
“If that’s what happens after we have an argument then we should have them more often.” They both share a laugh and whatever tension was left between them dissipates. “I really shouldn’t be surprised at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s ability to operate from beyond the grave, should I?.” He jokes.

  
“It’s not S.H.I.E.L.D.,” she says with a smirk

  
“Oh.” He raises both eyebrows at her. “Does _not_ -S.H.I.E.L.D. pay well?”

  
“They have dental.” She doesn’t bother trying to deny that S.H.I.E.L.D. is still operating underground. Bruce probably worked that out somewhere between her second and third non-Avengers mission after the data dump. “I’ll be back just before Christmas.” She turns to head to the elevators, calling back over her shoulder. “You and Veronica try to stay out of trouble without me.” She doesn’t hear him chuckle but she pictures it and can’t help but smile. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in case you did skip the previous chapter, Natasha apologised to Bruce for pushing too hard on the whole Hulk thing.

Bruce is hunched over his desk working on some equations for Veronica when a ball of paper sails through the air and hits him in the head. He ignores it and focuses on his equations. A second one comes flying over knocking his glasses off his face.

  
“Knock it off!” He tries to get back to his work when Tony throws another paper ball his way. Bruce catches inches away from his face. “Dammit Tony, what gives?”

  
“Well, I’m just kinda pissed that you’re getting laid and you’re not telling me about it!”

  
“Woah! What? I’m not…”

  
Tony cuts him off before he can begin to deny it. “Come on bro. You’ve been extra chipper these days. Laughing more. Flirting. Especially with a certain Little Red Riding hood.” He strolls over to sit on the edge of Bruce’s desk. Bruce tries to suppress his smirk as he recalls a moment in that very spot about a week ago. “So how long have you and Red been doing the dance with no pants?”

  
“We’re not…”

  
Tony holds his hand up to cut him off. “I went looking for you after our mission the day before Thanksgiving. Jarvis told me you were in Natasha’s apartment.”

  
“Jesus Tony, is Jarvis always spying on us?” Bruce attempts to deflect but it’s clear Tony’s not budging on this. “We hooked up a few times and that’s all the information I’m giving you.”

  
“Oh come on! You gotta give me more than that! I want to know every sordid detail.”

  
“I’m not telling you any more than that.” He pushes himself back and spins his chair to face the computer behind him.

  
“Okay, at least tell me when the two of you started bumping uglies.”

  
“Are you incapable of saying the word sex?” Bruce asks as he spins back around. He lets out a sigh. “After the S.H.I.E.L.D. data dump. And a few times since then.”

  
“So are you two a thing now?”

  
“Yes. No… I dunno Tony. It’s just sex I guess.”

  
Tony gets a quizzical look on his face. “But you want to be a thing?”

  
Bruce huffs out another sigh. “Beautiful woman like that? Smart, funny, of course, I would. But it’s not like that between us. She’s not interested in me like that.”

  
“Have you asked her?” Bruce shakes his head, looking more than a little ashamed of himself. “You need to tell her. Or show her.”

  
“Come on Tony, I’m like 10 years older than her. She’s not gonna want anything more with someone like me.” His voice is oozing with self-deprecation.

  
“There you go selling yourself short again.” Tony picks up one of his paper missiles and throws it at Bruce. “Romanoff is probably the oldest soul of the lot of us. Definitely more mature than the lot of us too. Do you really think if your age bothered her she’d be sleeping with you in the first place?”

  
Bruce lets out a heavy sigh. “I guess not.” When he finally looks back at Tony he’s met with an intense gaze. “What?”

  
“You love her don’t you.” His tone half accusatory, half pity. As if he knows exactly how doomed Bruce is.

  
“I don’t-“

  
“Bruce, you realise you need to end it right. Either end it or show her how you feel.”

  
“What am I supposed to do? Make some kind of grand gesture?”

  
“It’s almost Christmas. People do that sort of shit at Christmas.”

  
Bruce is about to respond when he’s cut off by Jarvis interrupting them.

“Sorry to interrupt Mr Stark, Dr Banner, but Ms Romanoff is in her apartment with a temperature of 103 F and is refusing to seek medical attention.”

  
Bruce looks confused as he stares between Tony and the ceiling. “When did she get back?”

  
Natasha had only been gone a week and said she wouldn’t be coming back until Christmas.

  
“Ms Romanoff arrived last night with a fever of 101 F which has since spiked. I had recommended that she seek your consult upon her arrival but she refused. Dr Banner, I do believe if Ms Romanoff does not receive medical attention soon her fever may increase to alarming levels.”

  
Bruce looks to Tony, eyes wide, momentarily unsure of what to do. He shakes his head, snapping himself out of it. Bruce jumps up from his chair and rushes for the elevator, vaguely hearing Tony make some mocking comment about saving his ‘damsel in distress’ but too focused on the matter at hand to care.

  
He tries the door, surprised to find that it’s locked. He knocks only to find there’s no response. “Nat? Nat, it’s me, Bruce.” He tries knocking again. “Natasha, I need you to open the door for me. I just need to make sure you’re okay.”

  
“Dr Banner.” Jarvis’ voice interrupts the slight panic that was creeping in his voice from the lack of response. “Ms Romanoff has locked her doors. I am authorised to unlock any door in the building in the event of a medical emergency. Should you deem it necessary I can unlock Ms Romanoff’s door.”

  
Bruce tries again to get a response from her. “Natasha, are you gonna open this door? Cause if not then I’m gonna have to get Jarvis to open it.” At no response, Bruce nods towards the ceiling. “Okay, Jarvis. Unlock the door.”

  
Jarvis complies and grants Bruce access to Natasha’s apartment. The room is dark; lights off blinds drawn tight despite it being early afternoon. Bruce opens his eyes wide to adjust to the lack of lighting. His eyes scan the room searching for the redhead. He finally spots a tuff of red hair poking out from the lump of blankets and pillows in the centre of the bed, bunched up tissues scattered around.

  
“Nat” he whispers as he paces towards the bed. He reaches to pull back one of the blankets when a hand punches out from the pile of bedding and lands solidly on his wrist. He stumbles back rubbing his wrist. “Natasha!” The redhead lunges herself at him, locking him down by the throat as he falls onto his back. Her eyes are wide as they stare back at him with murderous intent, unable to focus or recognise him. Bruce can feel the Hulk stirring in the back of his mind and he fights hard to hold him back. “Natasha, it’s me. It’s Bruce!”

  
Her body is trembling with shivers and her red locks are sweat-ridden and matted onto her face. She’s wearing at least 3 layers of clothes, all of which are wet with sweat and Bruce is starting to understand why her temperature rose so quickly.

  
A shiver ripples through her entire body and her grip on his throat loosens as recognition sweeps across her face. Her body starts to sway as she lets go of his throat completely. “Bruce?” Her face scrunches in confusion and her body goes limp as she passes out from the sheer exhaustion of her attack.

  
~*~

  
Natasha wakes up on one of the sofas in the common lounge. Her head feels as though it’s going to split in two and her eyes are burning against the light. Although the room has been made as dim as it can be.

  
She feels her headache subdue slightly as something cold and wet is swabbed across her forehead. Her eyes focus on the shabby looking scientist that is gently applying what she can only describe as a miracle cloth to her forehead. That moment of bliss is interrupted by the sound of Bruce’s voice breaking through the silence.

  
“You’re awake.” He’s speaking in barely a whisper but it still sounds like he has a megaphone to her ear. “How are you feeling?” She swallows in an attempt to clear her throat to talk but it feels like swallowing razor blades and all she’s able to get out is a groan. “That bad huh?” Bruce leaves the cloth on her head as he gets up and leaves from her peripheral vision. She tries to turn her head to see where he’s gone but the movement puts too much pressure behind her eyes. He returns a few minutes later with a steaming cup of something that from the pungent smell that’s managing to burst through her incredibly congested nose must be ginger. He tilts the cup towards her. “For your throat.” 

Natasha shuffles to sit up, grimacing as the pressure on her head intensifies from the movement. She sips slowly at the hot liquid that tastes like a blend of ginger and lemon with a hint of honey. The heat of the drink instantly helps to relieve the painful scratching in her throat and she lets out a small satisfied sigh at the feeling. She hadn’t even realised she had her eyes closed until she reopens them only to see Bruce smiling back at her.

  
“Thanks.” Her voice comes out croaky and a little nasally and it hurts to speak but the ginger has already started to do its job. “What happened?”

  
“Well, you got back from your mission last night with a fever, which spiked 2 degrees overnight. No doubt due to the cocoon of blankets and clothing you wrapped yourself in… nice going by the way. Great way to deal with a fever.” He says sarcastically as he sits next to her on the couch. “You’d think you’ve never had flu before.”

  
Natasha shrugs as she sips on her drink. “I haven’t.” At Bruce’s confused look she continues. “S.H.I.E.L.D. would always give us immune system boosters to protect us against any foreign viruses we might come across on missions. And well, sick girls aren’t useful girls to the Red Room so they did as well.”

  
Bruce simply nods and continues to recant the tale of what happened a few hours ago.

  
“Well, Jarvis asked me to check on you and you somehow, in your fevered state, still managed to take me down before I could even lay a hand on you. Although I think your little attack must have taken it out of you because you passed out.” Natasha doesn’t bother to hide her smile. Pleased with knowing that even when she’s sick her instincts are top notch. “Seen as your bed sheets were drenched with sweat I brought you out here.”

  
She looks down at what she’s wearing. A Culver University sweater that she recognises as Bruce’s and a pair of rather baggy sweatpants that must also belong to Bruce. She looks back at him and quirks an eyebrow. “And you changed me?”

  
Bruce’s face turns bright red at that, much to Natasha’s satisfaction. “Your clothes were soaked through too, so I put you in something dry and baggy so it wouldn’t cling to your skin as much. I hope that’s okay.”

  
She sets the cup down and settles herself back to lie down again, the pressure on her head getting too much to bear. She tucks her feet under Bruce’s thigh to keep them warm and pulls the blanket that was draped over her up to her shoulders.

  
“They’re comfy, so I can’t complain.” She lets out a yawn which results in her coughing and then grimacing at the pain that has resurfaced in her throat. “So Doc, what’s next on my road to recovery?”

  
He gets up from his seat and actually laughs as he watches Natasha’s mad scramble to get her now exposed feet under the warmth of the blanket.

  
He reaches for the small pot of vapour rub on the kitchen island. “This will help with the congestion and the cough.” He holds the pot out to her. “I didn’t want to rub it on you while you were sleeping.”

  
“Rub away Doc.”

  
His cheeks return to the red colouring that it was a few moments ago but he does as he’s told and rubs the oily substance on her neck and chest.

  
“The only other thing I’d recommend is plenty of rest. And my aunts homemade chicken soup. I’ve got a batch cooking.”

  
“Sounds good.” She quirks her eyebrow at him, although she doesn’t hold the look for too long given the amount of pressure it’s putting on her head. “Something tells me you’re not gonna let me go back to my room.”

  
“After the antics that you pulled. I wouldn’t be fulfilling my role as a physician if I let you out of my sight.”

  
There’s a long moment of silence. “So is this what we’re doing now? Fucking and nursing each other back to health.” Bruce doesn’t respond to that. “Well if that is the set up then the least you can do is join me on the couch and keep my feet warm.”

  
Bruce complies, sitting back on the end of the couch. Natasha immediately tucks her feet back under Bruce’s thigh and reaches for the TV remote on the coffee table. She puts on Goodfellas, one of the movies on the watch list Bruce had given her and reduces the volume to a barely audible level, putting on the subtitles for Bruce’s benefit.

  
Natasha lasts about 10 minutes into the movie before her eyelids become heavy and she finds herself drifting. She wouldn’t usually let sleep take her in the presence of anyone other than Clint, but her head is killing her and she has started to trust Bruce, for reasons she can’t explain. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that this is the longest relationship she’s had with anyone. Or better yet, the only relationship she’s ever had that hasn’t just been a night of casual sex. Or maybe it’s the reassuring way he’s rubbing her ankle, soothing her into sleep. Whatever it is she doesn’t fight it as sleep washes over her. Simply readjusts to a more comfortable position and lets it pull her in.

  
Bruce finds himself watching her sleep more than he watches the movie. Which he does feel a little creepy for doing so but he can’t bring himself to look away, even as he gets up to check on the soup. He makes sure to tuck her feet back under the blanket so that they’re not entirely exposed to the cold air.

  
He returns to find her still out cold and can’t help but watch her again as she sleeps peacefully. That is until a full-on coughing fit has her lunging forward and wincing at the pain in her throat. She reaches over for her discarded cup and spits up an impressive amount of phlegm. The act should have Bruce grimacing but something about it makes him smile.

  
“You just gonna watch me cough up my lungs Doc.” She croaks out through her coughing fit. “Or are you actually gonna help me out here?”

  
“Oh right. Sorry.” Bruce kneels by her rubbing small circles on her back until she’s done. Once he’s sure she’s not actually going to cough up a lung he heads back to the kitchen and returns with a tray with two bowls of soup, a glass of water and two aspirin. He hands her the aspirin which she swallows dry without any water. That does manage to make him grimace as he realises the ability to swallows pills without liquid aid is something one only achieves through practice. He sets the water down on the coffee table and hands her one of the bowls of soup. “This will pretty much cure even the deadliest cases of flu.”

  
Natasha starts digging into the soup before Bruce even sits down. She hadn’t eaten since she left the farm early yesterday and she hadn’t realised how hungry she was until now. She’s halfway through her bowl when she realises Bruce is staring at her, again.

  
“You know that’s kind of creepy right?” Bruce chuckles lightly and turns his gaze to his own bowl of soup. After a couple of moments of silence, and a few more spoonful’s of soup Natasha speaks again. “Your Aunt Susan really does know her stuff.”

  
Bruce waits for a beat before he responds. “Yeah, she really did. She insisted this soup could cure anything.” A small smile flutters across his lips. “Whether it was the flu, a headache, a sprained ankle or even a broken heart. Aunt Susan’s answer was always a bowl of homemade chicken soup. I think it’s got more of a placebo effect if anything.”   
Natasha picks up on his use of past tense when talking about his Aunt Susan. His S.H.I.E.L.D. file didn’t mention anything about her having passed away when she read it before the Battle of New York, so it must have been recent. It occurs to Natasha that he would’ve gone through that alone.

  
“She sounds like she was an amazing woman.” Her voice is pitched low and as sympathetic as she can muster in her current state. It’s the closest she can get to I’m sorry for your loss as she can get without overtly saying it.

  
“She was.” She can hear the catch in Bruce’s throat, despite his attempt to hide it. It’s still a sore memory for him and the pain is still fresh. Bruce clears his throat, clearing away the build-up of emotion. “How did you wind up getting the flu anyway.”

  
“Same way normal people get it, I guess.”

  
She’s being deliberately obtuse about it but she can’t exactly tell him the truth. She knows exactly how she wound up with the flu. She’d gone with Clint to the farm to visit Laura and the kids for a few weeks. It was sort of their tradition. She would spend a few weeks at the farm just before Christmas, help them pick out a tree, decorate and even bake cookies and watch Christmas movies. And then she’d leave a week before Christmas for some mission.

  
That was the plan for this visit but there was a case of the flu going around town and small towns seem to be an incubator for germs. It wasn’t long before both Cooper and Lila were moping around the house sneezing and coughing, even Clint caught it. Natasha had left that morning, hoping to get out just before she caught it. But on the flight back to New York, she could feel the headache coming on and she was sniffling the whole taxi journey back from the airport.

  
“Well, plenty of rest and chicken soup and I’m sure you’ll be back on your feet in no time.”

  
Bruce gets up to put the bowls in the kitchen sink before returning to his spot on the couch. Natasha shifts to lie down again, and without saying a word she rests her head in his lap and picks up the remote to put on another movie. Bruce shifts awkwardly to move her head away from his crotch before she triggers an involuntary response and he can see the corners of her mouth tilt upwards slightly, knowing full well the effect her manoeuvre would have on him.

  
Bruce settles once he’s no longer concerned with poking her eye out with his erection. His arm rests on her waist and he absentmindedly rubs small circles with his thumb. The circular motion has Natasha lulling back to sleep in a matter of minutes and Bruce can see the features in her face begin to soften. He can’t help but smile at the domesticity of it all; taking care of her when she’s ill, soothing her back to sleep. Their very position makes something in his chest tighten and he starts to think Tony was right.

  
“Oh and Bruce.”

  
“Mmhmm.” Her voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

  
“Try not to stare at me so much this time, okay?”

  
He lets out a breathy chuckle in response but his eyes don’t draw away from her. Yeah, Tony was definitely right. He really was in love with this woman.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S CHRISTMAS!!   
> Or at least it is in this fic. Non-descript sexual activity- because what's Christmas without sex right?

Tony had decided it would be nice if they all spent Christmas together. Natasha thought it might be a publicity stunt at first, but she’s realised him nearly losing Pepper has made him quite sentimental. Much to her annoyance. She’s never been one for the holidays. She usually makes sure she’s on a mission just to avoid the celebrations, but now that she’s no longer an agent she can’t really use that excuse.

That’s why she’s enlisted the help of Pepper to help her with Christmas shopping. That, and it means she can use her company credit card. It’s not that she hasn’t got the money, S.H.I.E.L.D. paid her handsomely for her job and not-S.H.I.E.L.D. pay just as well. It’s just that if Tony is forcing her to celebrate the holidays then he can damn well pay for it!

She’s already sent presents to Clint and the kids to a post office two hours away from the farm. And picked up a Chanel perfume for Pepper and a DKNY one for Jane a few days ago. She just needs to find something for Tony, Steve and Thor. She needs to pick up something for Bruce as well, but she already knows what she’s planning to get him, just needs to get it.

Pepper helps her pick out gifts for all three of them. She’s got Tony a pair of sunglasses, it’s a bit of a cop-out but he wears them all the time and she knows they’ll go to good use. She’s picked up books for the other two. One about the evolution of New York City from 1945-2010 for Steve; it’ll be nice for him to see the transition period the city went through while he was frozen. For Thor she’s picked up a book on Norse mythology, a book about him really would appeal to his ego. She also picked up a fancy looking journal for Bruce to act as a dummy gift.

Now she just needs to get Bruce’s real present without Pepper suspecting anything.

“Let’s go in there” she points to a small, inconspicuous looking shop on the street corner.

“The lingerie store?” Pepper eyes Natasha suspiciously “what do you want from there?”

“I never buy myself nice underwear” Natasha shrugs “and seen as Tony’s paying, figured I might as well”.

Pepper seems to buy the excuse and leads the way into the store. They spend some time browsing separately. Natasha eyes a dark green brassier with a black diamante design and matching thong. She pictures Bruce’s face when he sees her in it and decides it’s perfect. She’s just about to head to the till when Pepper comes following behind her and snatches the lingerie from her hands, holding it up and whistling her approval.

“Don’t suppose this is for a certain shy scientist?” she says with a teasing grin on her face.

“What?” Natasha’s so stunned by the comment that she struggles to keep the shock out of her voice. “No. It’s… How do you know it’s for him?”

“Well, you spend too much time trying to set Steve up to be sleeping with him. Thor spends too much time in London with Jane or on Asgard. You and Clint resemble more like siblings if anything. And I would hope if you were sleeping with Tony, you’d have the decency to not buy sexy underwear for him in front of me. And definitely not on my company credit card.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what I’d do to throw you off the scent” Pepper ignores her attempt at deflection and looks at her expectantly. “It’s just a casual thing. Nothing serious. Just a way to relieve some stress after a tough mission. Doesn’t mean anything.”

“So, you’re fuck buddies?”

Natasha laughs at that. “Yeah, that’s probably the best way to put it.”

“Well, I’m no expert on the matter,” Pepper says as she hands the items to the cashier along with her company card “but I’m pretty sure people don’t buy sexy underwear for someone that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Honestly, it’s just sex. Nothing else to it.”

“Sure” she hands Natasha the bag “I just think you two would be good together, that’s all. You balance each other out.”

They leave the store starting their walk to towards the tower.

“Even it was like that, I haven’t exactly got time for a relationship,” Natasha says, slightly frustrated by the conversation topic. “Between Avenging and other missions I’ve hardly got time to go on dates and do whatever it is couples do.”

“So you’ve thought about it?” Natasha’s surprised by Pepper’s skills at deduction. This woman would’ve made a pretty good spy in a former life. “I take your silence as a yes.”

“I haven’t thought about it…” Natasha bites in inside of her cheek. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about a relationship.”

“But you do think about him.”

“Sometimes.” Most of _the time_.

They come to a crossing and stop. Pepper turns to look at the smaller woman. “So what’s stopping you from going for it?”

Natasha runs a hand through her hair- a habit she has recently acquired and can only put down to the amount of time she spends with the very topic of their conversation.

“Because what kind of relationship would a former assassin and the Hulk have?” Pepper gives her a pointed look and Natasha sighs. “Because I’ve never had a relationship before and I wouldn’t know what to do in one.”

That answer seems to satisfy the CEO as she says “Well, there’s only one way to find out.”

“Yeah, well it’s not like that between us anyways. Like I said, just sex.”

They continue the short walk back to the tower in silence. Natasha thinks about what Pepper said. She can’t deny that she finds him attractive, or that she loves the feel of his hands exploring her body, or the way his lips feel against hers. Or that the dorky scientist is almost always on her mind. No. It’s not like that. Just sex. Besides, her life doesn’t have room for a relationship. Or it didn’t. Things are different now. But even if she did have feelings for Bruce, she’s pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same way. He’s never even so much as spooned her after sex. Although she does leave almost straight after. She pushes the thoughts to the back of her mind. She’s got Christmas to prepare for.

~*~

They get back to the tower a little after 8pm and Natasha enters her room to find a box on her bed with a note on top of it.

The note reads:

_Common lounge at_ 8:30pm. _Wear the outfit in the box._

Her first thought is that this is some kind of Christmas Eve booty call. That thought is pretty much disproven when she opens the box to find a pair of red tartan pyjama trousers and a green sweater with a reindeer on the front. It has to be the most hideous get up she’s seen and if this is Bruce’s kink, then they are going to have to have some serious words.

Still, she obliges his request and puts on the outfit, heading down to the common lounge a few minutes early only to see Bruce sat on the sofa wearing the exact same ridiculous get up, matching jumper and all. The sight makes something in Natasha’s chest tighten. She ignores the feeling and pushes it as far down as she can.

She clears her throat to catch his attention. “Something tells me I’m not getting laid tonight.”

His head whips around to see her and a grin spreads across his face, no doubt at the sight of her in this ridiculous sweater. “Uh, well no. I mean we could if you wanted. I’m not gonna say no” He hops up from the sofa towards her. “But that’s not what I had planned for this evening.”

“Oh.” Natasha raises a questioning eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. “And what did you have planned?”

“Well, I know you’re not really into the whole Christmas thing and I figured you’ve probably never really celebrated it.” He looks a little nervous about his assumptions. “So I figured I’d show you a few of my Christmas traditions.” 

Natasha can’t help the small smile that creeps its way onto her lips. “Okay, Doc, where do we start?”

“Ah well, we start with some hot cocoa as we decorate the tree.” He rushes to the kitchen, reminding Natasha of a child on their birthday. He returns with two mugs of hot cocoa topped with whipped cream and marshmallows. He hands one to her before heading towards the tree that she hadn’t noticed before so he must have bought it recently. “Tony was gonna hire someone to decorate it but I used to always decorate it with my Aunt on Christmas Eve.” He shrugs at the memory. “She would always work right up until Christmas Eve so that would be our only chance to decorate.”

“Can we use the most outrageous colour scheme?” she asks with a smirk.

“Of course. I’ve got some mulled wine heating up for after and I figured we could watch a classic Christmas movie or something.”

“Sure thing Doc.” She says as she makes her way over to the box of decorations by the tree. She picks up a piece of hot pink tinsel. “This.”

Bruce picks up a box of purple baubles. “With these”

“We’re gonna ruin Tony’s Christmas.”

“He’ll never forgive us.” They spend the better part of an hour decorating the tree as hideous as they can and drinking hot cocoa. Once they’re satisfied with their monstrosity they step back to admire their handy work.

“Stark is gonna ban us from any future Avenger’s Christmases, you know that right.” She says as she nudges him slightly.

“Yeah, but it was totally worth it.” He replies as he picks up a bag from one of the sofas. He starts to take out half a dozen neatly wrapped boxes and places them under the tree. “Aren’t you gonna put your presents under?”

“I uh. I sort of haven’t wrapped them yet.”

“That’s fine. There’s still plenty of time.”

“No. what I mean is, uh.” Natasha bites back her pride for a moment. “I haven’t wrapped them yet because I don’t know how. I’ve never actually wrapped presents before.” She says with a shrug.

“Oh. I can help you if you want.”

Natasha gives him one of her signature smirks. “You trying to sneak a peek at your present Doc?”

He lets out a breathy chuckle. “I can teach you the skill and you can wrap my one later.”

“Sure thing. I’ll go and get them.”

“I’ll get the mulled wine heated.” They regroup 5 minutes later, Natasha with presents in tow and Bruce with 2 mugs of mulled wine. Natasha pulls out the first present- the book about New York. “For Cap?” Bruce says as he holds it up. “Better than the cookbook I got him.” Natasha looks at him with a confused raised eyebrow. “He cooks like we’re still in war-time America.” He explains with a shrug.

Natasha watches as Bruce wraps the first present, explaining each step to her as he does it. They wrap the next two together with Bruce guiding her along and he leaves Natasha to wrap the last two on her own, only stepping in if needed.

“You can now add gift wrapping to your impressive list of skills.” He says as he wraps a piece of tinsel around her neck.

“Thanks to you, Doc.” She sticks one of the readymade ribbons on his forehead and Bruce gives her an ear to ear grin and it takes everything she has not to kiss him there and then. But she fights back the urge. Natasha Romanoff does not kiss someone just for the sake of it. Not unless it’s a mark she’s trying to seduce or if it’s going to lead to something more than a kiss. She doesn’t kiss someone purely for the joy of feeling their lips on her own. She clears her throat, simultaneously pushing down the urge to pull his lips to her own. “I uh, should probably go.” She stands up needing to get out of there and away from the overwhelming feelings building up inside of her. “Thanks for tonight. It was nice.”

Natasha darts off towards the elevator without looking back at Bruce, she knows if she sees the hurt look on his face it’ll be game over. She really needed to get her shit together.

She wakes up early Christmas morning. She hates to admit it but she’s quite excited for the day ahead. She’s never celebrated a real Christmas before; they never celebrated it in the Red Room and she always made sure she had a mission when she was working for S.H.I.E.L.D. Clint had invited her to spend Christmas at the farm a few times, but she never went, feeling like she’d just be intruding on a special family day.

She heads down to the kitchen to grab some coffee before the celebrations begin. She spots Bruce washing and peeling vegetables for the dinner and decides to have some early morning fun.

“Merry Christmas. Need a hand?”

“Morning!” he doesn’t turn to look at her, just continues with what he’s doing “Merry Christmas! Uh yeah actually. I could use a hand getting these carrots and parsnips washed and peeled if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah sure.” She heads towards the counter and picks up a carrot “you mean like this?”

He turns to her as she brings the carrot to her lips, tongue playing with the tip before she pushes it into her mouth. He shifts slightly, jaw practically on the floor. She keeps eye contact as she swallows more of the carrot. She begins to slowly pull the carrot out of her mouth and ends the display with an audible wet finish. Bruce doesn’t say anything, just stares intently at her lips which are now in a seductive smirk.

The moment is interrupted by the sound of footsteps as Tony, Steve and Pepper enter the room. Natasha crunches down on the carrot, winks at Bruce, then turns to the others. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!” they all reply.

“Uh, yeah. Merry Christmas.” Bruce replies, finally able to compose himself.

“Bruce, you know I could’ve just hired someone to make dinner?”

“I know Tony. But Christmas dinner just isn’t the same if it’s not homemade.”

“I can lend a hand if you want. I’m not the best chef but my mum taught me the basics of chopping and peeling.”

“Thanks, Steve. That would definitely help speed things along.” Bruce leans around Natasha to grab a peeler for Steve and whispers in her ear, his breath warm on her skin “meet me back at mine after dinner.”

The sensation sends a shiver down her spine and it takes everything in her to keep her neutral expression.

“I would offer to help but I think I’d just be a distraction” she crunches down on the carrot again, reminding Bruce of her little display moments ago.

“30 minutes ‘til presents!” Tony announces. “Now, where’s the eggnog?”

The gift exchange is pleasant enough. Thor and Jane arrived 10 minutes later than planned but Tony lets it slide in the spirit of Christmas. The presents she received from all of them were quite thoughtful. Tony handed her a box that seemed to just contain her Widow Bites but on closer inspection, she realised they were upgraded and there was a piece of paper detailing all the changes he had made. Pepper had gotten her and Jane a spa trip for the next day, mud baths and full body massages included. Thor and Jane had gotten her a new pair of black leather boots and a pair of black leather gloves that she tried on immediately. And Steve got her a matching black leather jacket which she suspects Jane picked out on his behalf, but she excuses it seen as Steve is pretty useless at gift giving. Bruce just hands her a card and she’s a little underwhelmed until she opens it and reads the message:

_Merry Christmas Nat! Sorry, it isn’t much, but you’ll have to wait a little longer for your actual_ _present._

She looks at him with a smile as he ducks his head slightly embarrassed.

The dinner is also a rather pleasant affair. Everyone is laughing and joking, and she thinks this is what Christmas is really about. A miss-match of a family coming together and enjoying each other’s company. Even Tony manages to be relatively tolerable.

They stay in the common area well into the night drinking and it’s not until Thor and Jane announce that they must fly back to London that the Christmas proceedings draw to an end. Bruce is the first to leave and Natasha fights the urge to follow straight after, allowing some time to pass before she leaves Steve, Tony and Pepper in the common area.

She stops back at her apartment to freshen up before she heads to Bruce’s. She puts on the new lingerie and covers herself with a Santa Clause jacket and hat to match. At first, she thinks she looks stupid but then decides it’s the look she’s going for to make the reveal all the more surprising.

She heads down to his apartment and knocks on the door which is already open. Bruce is just stepping out of the bathroom when she walks in.

“Ho, ho, ho,” she says in a low, husky voice “Merry Christmas”

Bruce looks her up and down, eyes drawn to the sight of her bare thigh. “Please tell me I’m on the good list.” She removes the Santa jacket in response “thank you Santa!”

He walks up to her and brings one hand to the back of her neck and the other to her lower back as their lips connect. This kiss feels different from all the other ones they’ve shared before. Where the others had been driven by the desire for pleasure this one seems more passionate. As if he’s putting all that he has into that one kiss. In fact, the whole night seems different from their usual nights. Sex between them is usually lustful, solely for the purpose of pleasure. The goal being to relieve stress and achieve orgasm as quick as possible. Tonight has a different tone. They both climax but it’s a tender journey not just driven by physical pleasure but emotional pleasure too.

There’s a shift in the air and instead of leaving straight after Natasha lies there with him, their limbs intertwined and her head resting on his chest as she feels his heart rate level out under her ear. She loses track of time as she lies there with him, her head bobbing with the rise and fall of his chest. They lay like that for a while until Bruce shifts underneath her.

“Sorry, I should go.”

“No, don’t.” He reaches under the bed and pulls out a small box. “I just wanted to give you this.” He hands her the box and they both shuffle up the bed to rest on the headboard. “I was gonna give it to you last night but you kind of ran off on me… and I didn’t want to give it to you in front of the others because well, Tony can be a teasing ass sometimes and well…” his voice trails off as she starts to unwrap it.

It’s a small jewellery box and she lifts a lid to reveal a simple silver necklace with a green crystal pendant. She’s not sure if there’s any intended symbolism behind it so she stops herself from coming to her own conclusions about it. Natasha raises the necklace to the stream of moonlight that’s coming through the window. It’s simple, yet beautiful. Something so small and precious and perhaps one of the most thoughtful gifts she’s received.

“Bruce, it’s...”

“You don’t like it do you?” he looks away sheepishly. “I kept the receipt; you can return if you want. Get yourself something else, or just pocket the cash I guess…”

“Bruce, I love it!” her fingers explore the necklace more, holding the pendant up slightly to see it in the light. “No one has ever brought me jewellery before.”

“Well that’s one of the many wrongs in this world, and I’m glad I could right it”

She turns and places a soft chaste kiss to his lips. “Thank you” she whispers. He smiles and returns the kiss. When they finally break apart, Natasha places the jewellery box on the bedside table and turns back to Bruce. “I guess I should head back to my place.”

“Or” he swallows “you could stay here… If you want to that is. It’s getting pretty late and Tony might still be wandering the halls and you don’t want him to see you in just a Santa jacket. He’ll never let you live it down.”

They’re all poor excuses, but she’s just happy that he wants her to stay. She smiles at him and settles back down into the bed. He follows suit and they return to the position they were in a few minutes ago. Limbs entwined together and her head on his chest. She brings a hand up to play with the hairs on his chest and she feels him place a small kiss on the top of her head. She thinks back to what Pepper said yesterday and thinks that she may have been on to something. This definitely isn’t just sex, and it definitely means something. She’s just not sure what she wants to do about it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short New Year's Eve fluff fest.

New Year’s Eve is a much more elaborate affair. Tony has decided to throw a massive masquerade ball type celebration much to Natasha’s dismay. She hates elaborate events. Especially if she hasn’t got a mark or a mission and she’ll actually have to socialise. At least she’ll have enough people there that she actually enjoys spending time with; Steve, Wilson, Rhodes, Maria, Thor, Jane, and Pepper. Hell, she’s even looking forward to spending time with Tony. And of course, Bruce will be there. That part she was particularly looking forward to.

  
She arrives at the party a little past 10:30 and it’s already quite busy. She’s wearing a long black fitted dress with a sweetheart neckline and a mid-thigh split down the side. She’s paired it with a pair of black stilettos and a nude lipstick. Her mask is black with green sequence and is on a stick to hold in front of her face so as not to mess up her hair which is up in an elegant bun. She’s kept the jewellery to a minimum, wants the necklace Bruce got her for Christmas to be the main attraction. In truth, she arranged the whole outfit around the necklace, just for him.

  
She walks into the entertainment hall on the 75th floor. It’s a large open plan room with wall to ceiling windows all around, the view of the Manhattan skyline visible all around them. Her eyes scan the room looking for one person in particular. She spots him towards the centre of the room talking with Thor and Jane, no doubt about physics and whatever latest project she’s working on. He definitely seems to have tried tonight. He’s wearing a black tuxedo with a white shirt and a black bow tie. The tux is fitted and is doing well to show off his slim figure that he usually hides behind his oversized shirts- God bless Tony Stark. His curls seem somewhat tamed and he’s wearing a plain black eye mask.

  
He glances up to catch sight of her. His eyes widen, and he mouths the word “wow” at her from across the room. She’s about to walk over to him when Steve appears beside her.

  
“Happy New Year, Natasha!”

  
“Happy New Year, Steve. You’re looking awfully dapper tonight” he always does. She wonders if there’s any outfit that Captain America can’t pull off. “You out to impress anyone in particular tonight?”

  
He blushes slightly at her comment “Well, let’s just say there’s someone I’m hoping to get a kiss from at midnight.”

  
“Why Captain, I’m truly flattered.” The reddening in his cheeks deepened. “But I’m afraid my lips are reserved for another.” She gives him a sly grin.

  
“What? No. It’s not you.” He can barely get his words out. “Not that I wouldn’t be happy to kiss you, again. It’s just that… Well, Banner?”

  
She’s not entirely surprised that Steve’s worked it out. He’s always been quite perceptive. But she’s definitely not giving it up that easily.

  
“You’re kissing Banner?” she says with a smirk.

  
“No, but you are.”

  
“You’ll just have to wait and see, Cap.”

  
She doesn’t get to talk to Bruce until 11:57. She stopped and talked to Wilson for a quite a while as he shamelessly tried to flirt with her. She even got locked into quite a serious discussion with Pepper and Happy about security improvements. Pepper finally ended the conversation pointing out that it was nearly midnight and it’s something they can discuss another time.

  
She finds Bruce at the bar with two glasses of champagne sat in front of him.

  
“Are one of those for me, Doc? Or are you just feeling a little indulgent?”

  
“Uh hey, I was waiting for you” he turns to hand her one of the glasses looking her up and down as he does “You look absolutely breath-taking!”

  
She can actually feel herself blush slightly at the compliment. “Thanks, you look pretty handsome tonight.”

  
“It’s nearly midnight.”

  
“It is.”

  
“I haven’t got anyone to kiss…” he blushes as he says it, going a little shy. “And I was hoping…”

  
“I might be able to fix that, Doc.”

  
The room suddenly erupts into a loud roar as they begin the countdown. “10… 9… 8…” Natasha finishes her champagne and places the glass on the bar. “7… 6… 5... 4…” Bruce’s glass joins her one as they both turn to each other. “3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!”

  
Bruce’s brings his hands to rest on her waist and she places both hands on his cheeks. His lips come down to slowly meet hers. The kiss is slow and simple at first, but his tongue is soon poking at her lips for an opening and the kiss deepens. Her hands wrap around his neck holding him in place. They seem oblivious to the celebrations in the background, ignoring all the commotion going on around them. She’s pretty sure she can hear fireworks off in the distance but they’re not important right now. The only things she’s concerned with is Bruce and the taste of his lips. They finally break away for air and they stand unmoving, gazing into each other’s eyes, both trying to catch their breath.

  
Their moment is interrupted by Tony who comes walking over with Pepper in tow. He slaps Bruce on the shoulder and says “Damn! That was one hell of a kiss! Pep, why don’t you kiss me like that?” Pepper looks at him pointedly. “Let’s get some shots in!” he snaps his fingers at the bartender “four shots of tequila over here”.

  
Pepper whispers in Natasha’s ear “Just casual, huh?”

  
Natasha huffs out a laugh and reaches for her shot.

  
“Happy New Year guys!” Tony yells louder than necessary. He’s definitely had a fair few drinks already.

  
Natasha hates the taste of tequila but has learned to control her reactions to the sharp taste. Bruce isn’t so practised in that and visibly grimaces at the taste of the drink. That’s the last time she gets to speak to Bruce for the rest of the night. Bruce gets whisked away to talk with Tony about Veronica and she goes to join Steve, Maria and Wilson who are sat on the couches sharing stories. They all stay up drinking and laughing well into the early hours of the morning and Natasha takes the sounds of birds singing as a sign that it’s time to head to bed.

  
She falls asleep thinking about the kiss she shared with Bruce. She’s certain now that he feels the same way about her. You don’t kiss someone the way he kissed her and not have feelings for them. She just needs to find a way for them to talk about it, get everything out on the table and just go for it. Run with it. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so obviously some of the script is not my own and taken from the AoU movie- so credit to the writers.

New Year’s Day and Natasha has spent the morning thinking about what she’ll say to Bruce. She’s got the script ready in to go in her head.

She’s just about to head to his apartment when JARVIS chimes in. “Ms Romanoff, Captain Rogers has asked that you join the rest of the team in the common lounge.”

“Did he say why?” she’s not sure what could possibly be so important that they have to have a meeting on New Year’s Day.

“I’m afraid he did not, just asked that you head there as soon as possible.” She heads to the common area and the whole team is already there, including Clint.

This must be serious. “We’ve got a strong lead on Loki’s sceptre,” Steve says as soon as he catches sight of her, his captain voice in full force. “We believe it’s in a Hydra base run by Strucker in Sokovia. Our mission is to go in, secure the sceptre and shut the base down.” He looks around at the team “we’re gonna need all-hands-on-deck and if our mission proves successful, then this could be it. This finishes the job.”

“We’re in the end game,” Tony adds.

“Loki’s sceptre must be returned to Asgard” Thor’s voice booms in “It’s not safe here on Midgard.”

“Exactly. Banner,” he turns to Bruce “We might need the Hulk for this one.”

“We haven’t tested Veronica yet,” Bruce says in protest “and given the delicate nature of the situation I don’t think you wanna just rely on the Other Guy tiring out.”

“So, we use the lullaby,” Natasha says, unsure of how he’ll take that.

“That’s not even entered the testing phase.”

“What’s the lullaby?” Clint asks.

“It’s a technique I’ve been using to calm Banner when he’s close to a transformation. I think we can use it to bring Bruce back from a full Hulk-out.”

“Are you confident about that?”

She rolls her eyes at Steve’s questioning “Yes.”

“You’re nuts!” Bruce stands to look at her “We don’t even know if it’ll work!”

She crosses her arms and stands her ground. “So, we’ll have Thor on standby in case it doesn’t. But you gotta trust me on this one, Bruce.”

“Look, Banner, we might not need him. But we need you to be prepared for a Code Green.” Steve tries to diffuse the growing tension. “We won’t call it unless we absolutely have to.”

Bruce shakes his head in disbelief “Fine.” He turns back to Natasha “But the moment he looks like he’s not gonna cooperate you get away as quick as you can.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” She’s simultaneously pleased and annoyed by his comment. He knows she can handle herself and she has good enough instincts to be able to read a situation. But she’s also flattered that he wants to keep her safe.

“Right, that’s sorted then. 10 minutes ‘til wheels up!”

The mission doesn’t go as smoothly as planned. The presence of two enhanced individuals throws everyone off their game and Barton gets hurt pretty badly. And a Code Green is called. Once they get everything under control Cap calls for Natasha to do the lullaby on the Hulk. She’s nervous. But she pushes the nerves down to focus on the task ahead. The Big Guy is surprisingly compliant and she’s relieved when he stumbles back and begins to transform into Bruce. He’s silent on the walk back to the Quinjet but she knows he’s just exhausted from the transformation.

They talk briefly about the lullaby on the flight back to the tower and Natasha is pleased to know that Bruce trusts her. She wants nothing more to take him back to her apartment and show him exactly how much she trusts him. But he’s still on his come down from the Other Guy and they only have three days to study the sceptre which means Bruce will be busy with Tony in the lab. She decides to wait until the party to tell him.

She can wait for three days.

~*~

It definitely felt like a long three days. Natasha didn’t think it was possible to miss someone who is in the same building as you, but she really did miss Bruce. He’s been cooped up in the lab with Tony for three days straight and Natasha hasn’t seen him at all. She did wander down to the lab on day two, but they were both passed out over their desks and she figured that was probably one of the few times they’d actually slept.

So, she couldn’t stop herself from feeling over the moon when she saw Bruce approaching her at the party just as she ducked behind the bar to fix herself a drink. She fixes him one too and slides it over to him as he sits down.

“How’d a nice girl like you wind up working in a dump like this?”

It’s not the line she was expecting from him but she’s willing to play along.

“Fella done me wrong,” she says, thinking about the past three days.

“You got lousy taste in men, kid”

“He’s not so bad.” He smiles at that “Well, he has a temper. But deep down, he’s all fluff. Fact is, he’s not like anybody I’ve ever known” He seems entranced by her words and she wants to make herself clear. “All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, spends his whole life avoiding the fight because he knows he’ll win.”

“Sounds amazing.”

She needs to make sure he knows she’s talking about him. “He’s also a huge dork.” He gives her an embarrassed look and she has to fight back a laugh “chicks dig that. So, what do you think should I fight this, or run with it?”

“Run with it, right?” he starts off confident but then the nerves seem to kick in. “Or did he… was he…?” he stutters through the rest “what did he do that was so wrong to you?” he nervously asks.

“Not a damn thing. But never say never.” She leaves him to think about what she’s said, adding an extra sway to her hips as she walks away to help him along, knowing he’ll be watching.

She heads up towards the sofas on the balcony and settles on one of the chairs. She glimpses the end of Steve and Bruce’s conversation and Steve turns around to wink at her. She’s curious to know what they’re talking about but figures one of them will mention it. She settles in for her wait. She’s put her cards on the table and the ball is now in Bruce’s court.

She doesn’t have to wait long as Bruce walks up to her only a few minutes after his talk with Steve. He sits in the chair opposite her and leans in, so he can be heard over the music.

“I just got relationship advice from a 90-year-old superhero” he looks at her in disbelie.

“There’s a first time for everything, Doc.”

“Do you want to tell me what Cap means by seeing you flirt up close?”

The corner of her mouth twitches up into a smirk. “Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable.” She says with absolute certainty. “It usually makes people turn away.”

“Does it now?” He angles his body towards her and leans in close. “I think I may require a demonstration.”

Natasha places a soft kiss to the corner of his lips.

She makes a dramatic display of looking around as she pulls away. “See.”

“So, when you say run with it. You mean…”

“With us” she finishes for him.

He smiles at that “and what would that entail.”

“Well Doc, I was kind of hoping you’d be able to take control of that part.” She looks shyly at her drink “I don’t really have much experience with the whole dating thing.”

“Well, taking it slow is sort of out the window… How about dinner and a movie?”

“I’d like that.”

They become so engrossed in their conversation with one another that they barely notice the party dying down. All the guests have left and the other Avengers accompanied by Maria Hill and Helen Cho have joined them on the sofas. Natasha looks over to see Tony getting ready to try and pick up Thor’s hammer. She’s the only one who seems to appreciate Bruce’s Hulk joke and refuses to participate in their dick-swinging contest when she’s asked.

The evening is pleasant and relaxed and she dares herself to think that everything is as it should be. A foolish thought, she realises, once Ultron crashes into the room and sends them hurtling into another mission.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of the script is my own with only a few bits borrowed from the movie.

The fight off the coast of Wakanda was nothing short of a disaster. The witch had reminded Natasha of the very thing that in her eyes made her a monster. The part of the Red Room that she tried to forget more than anything else. She couldn’t even look at Bruce on the flight. She knew he needed her at that time, needed someone to hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright as he fought with his demons. But she couldn’t bring herself to do that right now. She had her own demons to deal with.

  
She hadn’t realised they were heading to the farm until they began decreasing altitude for landing and she caught a glimpse of the farmhouse in the distance. As they bundled out of the Quinjet and headed towards the farm Natasha pulled Clint back by the elbow.

  
“Clint are you sure about this?” she whispers low enough that the others wouldn’t hear.

  
“We need somewhere completely off the grid. Plus, it’ll do you some good, Nat” he kisses her on the forehead and helps her through the front door.

  
He was right, seeing Lila instantly helps her snap out of her current state and put a smile on her face. It also gives her the strength to talk to Bruce, see where his head is at. She had a feeling he would be looking to make a run for it. Was hurt when he thought she wouldn’t run with him. It took a lot to fight back the tears as she admitted about the Red Room’s graduation ceremony. But his next line took her by surprise.

  
“What, so we disappear?” he says as he takes her hands in his own and brings them up to his chest.

  
“We finish the job, and then we disappear.”

  
“You’ll be leaving everything behind, Nat”

  
“Not if everything I have is disappearing with me.” She kisses his knuckles and then turns her chin up to plant a soft kiss on his lips.

  
“EWW!” Lila comes bursting into the room.

  
Natasha laughs “What do you want, munchkin?”

  
“Mum said to tell you that dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.” She looks at them inquiringly. “Does this mean the Hulk is our uncle?”

  
Natasha smiles at Bruce and turns back to Lila “maybe.” Lila runs off to tell Cooper. “I’m gonna take a shower."

  
Fury joins them for dinner and they agree not to talk shop at the table. Once the kids are sent off to get ready for bed, they start to discuss Ultron’s next move. She watches as Bruce stares intensely at a picture of a butterfly that Lila drew. That somehow draws him to the conclusion that Ultron is planning to evolve using Helen Cho’s cradle. They try to contact Helen, but they can’t get through to her. Steve decides that he’ll go to Korea with Clint and Natasha, and Tony will travel to the Nexus to find out who their ally is. Fury’s taking Bruce to the Tower where he can track the sceptre- it’s best that he’s kept away from the battle.

  
They’re just about to get ready to head off when Laura steps into the room and puts on her best motherly voice. “Where do you all think you’re going?” They look at her slightly stunned and very confused.

  
“Uh, we were kinda planning on saving the world,” Tony speaks up on their behalf. Everyone else slightly frightened of talking back to the heavily pregnant wife of a master archer. “That’s kinda our thing.”

  
“Oh no, you’re not! When was the last time any of you slept?” They all look a little guilty at that, knowing full well that none of them has had a proper night’s sleep since before the party. And for Bruce and Tony, probably long before that. “That’s what I thought! No, it’s dark out and you can’t save the world if you’re all too sleep deprived to even walk straight. You’ll stay here and leave when the sun comes up.” They would protest but they’re slightly relieved at the offer, knowing that the woman is right. “Cooper’s in our room tonight so Fury, you can stay in his room. Tony and Steve, you two are on the sofas. Dr Banner, you’ve got the spare room; you look like you can use a good night’s sleep. And Nat, you don’t mind sharing with Lila, do you?”

  
“Actually, I’ll crash with Bruce” she looks over to him, her eyes apologising for the public announcement of their relationship but also deciding that this is no longer something she feels the need to hide. She might not know what she’s doing but if these past few days have taught her anything it’s that she needs Bruce and the thought of being alone tonight is not something she wants to grapple with right now. 

  
“Very well then. Now off to bed, the lot of you.” Natasha is amazed at Laura’s ability to make a room full of superheroes and secret agents feel like children. She throws a pointed look at Tony and Steve “Keep the noise down you two. I don’t want you waking the kids up with your lovers' quarrel.”

  
“I think you should probably be warning Red and the Doc about the noise.” They both glare at Tony as they head upstairs, Natasha flipping him the finger as she heads up. 

  
Bruce crawls under the covers of the bed that she usually has to herself and raises the corner for her to climb in after him. She settles in next to him, head tucked into Bruce’s chest and his chin resting in her hair.

  
“You know Tony’s gonna be up talking all night about us, right?” her words are slightly muffled as her mouth is pressed tightly against his chest. She can feel him smile against her head.

  
“Looks like the whole team knows now.”

  
“Well I guess Steve already knew, and Laura cornered me about it just before dinner which means Clint already knew.”

  
“And Tony already knew,” Bruce says with a hint of apology in his voice. When Natasha lifts her head to glare at him he adds. “He kind of guessed it. And he gave me some uncharacteristically good advice about asking you out.”

  
“Which you evidently didn’t take.” She teases as she lowers her head to meet his lips. “Explains how Pepper knew.” Natasha twists to face away and shuffles back so her back is pressed flushed against him. “She’s the one you should thank. She’s the one that made me realise I liked you for more than the fact that you’re good in the sack.” She can feel the rumble of his full body laugh and is warmed with knowing that she gets to experience this.

  
“I’ll be sure to send her a thank you card from Fiji.”

  
“Fiji?”

  
“Off the grid. Sandy beaches and lots of sun. You in a bikini.” She lets out a snort as laughter bubbles through her. She settles in to hear more about Bruce’s plans for their new life. “We can get a place on the beachfront. We could get a dog and call it Tony.” She snorts again at that.

  
“So long as he’s better housetrained than Stark.” She feels the rumble of his silent laughter as a comfortable silence settles between them. There’s a comfort in picturing her future with Bruce. It’s a luxury she’s never before been able to afford and now here she is picturing the two of them living in a world where there aren’t demigods trying to conquer Earth, or resurrected Nazi groups trying to implement a 1984-esque regime, or a mad robot trying to wipe out the human race. But she knows that none of their planning means shit if they don’t finish the job. She reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together as she pulls his arm tight around her waist. “A pet store will be our first stop… as soon as we finish the job.”

  
It’s quiet for a long time. Bruce’s breathing has evened out so she assumes he’s falling asleep. She’s about to give in to sleep herself when she feels him place a small kiss in her hair and he says “I love you” in a low whisper.

  
She doesn’t respond. Pretends to have fallen asleep.

  
He probably didn’t intend for her to hear it and she’s not sure if she can respond in the way he would want her to if he did mean for her to hear. She knows that what she feels for him is stronger than anything she’s felt for anyone else before. But she’s never known, love. Always believed love was for children. She doesn’t know if she’d even be able to recognise love even if that is what she felt.

  
She knows she adores him; the nerdy scientist that seems hellbent on ensuring the safety of all those around him, even if it means excluding himself from society. The man who could win every fight but chooses not to participate because of that very reason.

  
Maybe adoration is all she’s capable of. Hopefully, that will be enough.

~*~

The rest of the mission is a gruelling venture, but they finally pull through in the end.

  
Together.

  
Hulk had saved her and taken her to safety, and now it was her turn to get Bruce back. To run and not look back.

  
She expected getting Hulk to follow orders over a video link to be difficult. But what she did not expect was for Hulk cut the link and leave her standing in front of a blank screen.

  
Her heart falls to the pit of her stomach and she has to steady herself to stop from stumbling back. In those few moments, she feels like all her training has gone out the window. She wants to wreck something. She wants to smash every screen in front of her. Throw something at the wall. Shoot the agent that is watching her from the corner in the face.

  
Natasha takes a second to compose herself and heads to one of the rooms that have been set up for them on the Helicarrier. She walks straight to the shower, turns on the tap at full pressure and collapses into a pile of emotions and heartbreak.

  
He’s left her.

  
They had planned to run away together, and he left her.

  
She’d said she adored him, and he left her.

  
Before she realises what’s happening the tears begin to stream down her face. She lets them fall as she tries to comprehend the significance of what just happened, come to terms with the fact she’s on her own. That she had allowed him to tear down her walls just for him to walk away from the rubble and leave her.

  
She’s not sure how long she’s been under the shower for but her skin is as wrinkled as prunes and her clothes are soaked through, heavy on her skin. She turns off the shower, puts on some dry clothes, wrings out her hair and heads down to the lounge area.

  
Her suspicions that new S.H.I.E.L.D. is being partially funded by Tony Stark are all but confirmed by the presence of a bar. She picks up a clean glass and a bottle of vodka, but she doesn’t pour it. Just stands there staring at the bottle in her hand. The hurt that she feels turns to rage at that moment and she flings the bottle into a wall on the opposite side of the room. It doesn’t satisfy her rage, but it’s a start.

  
“Did that help?” Steve’s voice comes from behind her and she quietly curses herself for getting so caught up in her own head that she didn’t even hear him come in.

  
She sighs heavily. “No.”

  
“It must’ve been love.”

  
“Love is for children.” Her neutral expression would almost pass as believable had it not been for her earlier actions. 

  
Steve walks behind her and places a hand on her shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze “You know, if something hurts this bad. Emotionally and physically. Then it can only be love.” His voice is full of reassurance and understanding intended to make her feel better but it only makes her feel worse.

  
“Funny. Now I’m the one getting love advice from a 90-year-old superhero.” Her voice begins to crack and the emotion that has boiled up inside her once again begins to overflow. A tear streams down her face and Steve uses his thumb to wipe it away.

  
“He loves you. And he probably needs to figure stuff out. He’ll be back.” She doesn’t believe that, and she’s pretty sure Steve doesn’t even believe it. When Bruce disappears he intends to stay gone, only returning to civilisation when it’s absolutely unavoidable. “And in the meantime, we’re gonna head down to the gym and let you punch the shit out of something.”

  
“Wow, Steve! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the last chapter. Hope you enjoyed.   
> I have a second part that takes place post-IW that is almost complete, just need to round up the last few chapters. I might try to have it uploaded in a week or so.


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